Monday, September 7, 2009

and seyi tested positive'

Yes its the same seyi' from my hairdresser (1) and (2) but i dey vex for una, shebi una say make i no counsel her, sum bloggers even labelled me aproko, sake of say i wan yarn dis babe say kurukere doesnt pay, now see!
yesterday afternoon i decided to make my hair @seyi's, hoping i wld be able to finish it b4 the nigeria/tunisia qualifier's match but wen i got to there... no seyi (so dis girl neva change) i met 2 of her girls (apprentice) who told me she had gone out but wldnt be long (storyyy) i decided to wait for her, knowing she was the only one dat can fix d style i wanted, after some mins the girls continued their gbeboru-ing (sorry isha) until i heard 'sade, dis madam know say anty-seyi don test positive???'

'i no sure o, u kno say e don tey wey she come here'
eYIN TEMi i forget weda oSAze go play 1st half o, seyi test positive ke? since wen?? d last time i saw her, she was hersef na? i asked d girls wat they meant but they kept quiet, na so i pack my kaya waka comot.

comot for where?? if na u nko?????
seyi have been fixing my hair for a longgg time o,
yea! dat day i was scratchin my head' was it d needle or dandruff? or ....
na so i begin think left and down, my head was £"^%*^%$£,
if na u nko???? if only dis girl had listened, if only not positive???
if onlyyyy,  'ehen madam, see her' she don return', sade's voice jolted me
i turned and my jaw fell in my lap

ps: her EDD is early next yr
pss: should amodu be replaced????
d pix is courtesy 'seyi beauty salon', i can't shout!
psssss: i feel its goin to be a lov'ly week!!
dont cha?

Friday, August 14, 2009

TGIF: biko' biko make una come o'

so guys wat do u think...... Fact??? or Photoshop?????????

BTW: whose bday is today sef??? i 'm feelin very generous o ;)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Standtall is 13 and LG is ......?????

If u were born in July, Stand Up, Stand Up!!
All bloggers born in July, Stand Up, Stand Up!!!!!
If u were born on July 14th, Jump Up, Jump Up!!!!!!!!!!!!
#@$!^&# May God bless us

its my birthday today, meaning anoda year has being added to my age, (no be small sumn :) I
know its been a while (or months) since my last post, abeg make una no vex' na $$$$$$ (i mean work), and to compensate una, i made a birthday cake; if u shine ya eyes well, u will find it at the top bottom corner left right centre of your screen (jst Look for it) – and Help yourself to a large slice, norrin do u!

I want to Thank God for making me witness anoda year, for His blessings, guidance, kindness n protection, for my family n friends (bloggers included). Thank You Father for everything (tho i'm not yet a 1st lady but i kno You have not forgotten :)

PS: To all ma July peeps in da house: Uzezi, Jidesalu, Standtall, Dta,
Undercover 07, Woomie, Trezor Le Kado, Chari, Fantasy queen


PSS: ..... erm no be red wine o, na zobo

Monday, June 8, 2009

Lets talk about sex

i.e about our kids having sex, (sigh) my people, it is wit a heavy heart i type this post; My friends ll tell u i'm crazy abt children n its d truth' tho i dont have any (yet), i love cute, intelligent, smart, stubborn, infact all kids (including d 'mommy i want aunt Lg's face ones :-) but i m no longer sure who is a child n who isnt; yesterday i went to visit a sick colleague n bumped into her neighbour's 4yr old kids doing it; as if dat wasnt bad enuf, there are brothers infact twins; how manage?? who tot dem?? moreover these were children 4rm a good moslem home, so how come they knew abt it?....cartoons? music? neways i left their mom weeping and thinking of how to tell her husband.

Last term, my ikotun friend (i talked abt her here) almost went mad, d reason....alan got back 4rm school n asked her if her kini was red? dat a boy in his class claims his mum's own was very red; Oginni?!? raked my friend, 'Where d teacher dey wen dem dey discuss dat kind thing 4 class??? wasnt She supposed to be their guardian/shielder??. After confronting the teacher (n d proprietress) she withdrew her kids 4rm d school. wen she narated d incident to me, i asked her wat was her reply to alan :-) But seriously, wat is happening to our children? scratch dat, What are we doing to Our children???

I still recollect my elder broda chasing me n my sister out of room weneva we r watching tv and a man is kissing a woman (infact as soon as d man n woman begin look each oda one kind, my broda go Order us outside, sometimes i run to my neighbour's room to watch it, or i 4get about the film n start to play with my lil' sis; i cant remember how old i was then, but i knew i resented him for it (b4 nko? :-) till date, my dad's favourite programmes on tv are NTA network news and Tales by moonlight n we dare laff even wen they went on commercial (i still miss dat presenter) But today nko, which pikin get News time?? they prefer yori-yori:-)

Babijide salu, Mrs Salu, Mummy TK, Naijalines, Doja, Simispeak, Black james bond, Bimbylads, Lolu-Kush, Fluffycutething, Mojisola, Standtall, Mommy, Dee, Chioma-mom, Oyin, Isi, GOODnaijagirl, Kemmie, For the love of me, Yarmama, 30+, Lady A, Teachers, Parents, Pastors/Imam, FBA, NBC, BON, DBANJ (they adore u) Is there hope for Our Children??? How? Where? When?

ps: (for tots) How wld a 7/8/9/10yr old rate my blog? (ie apart 4rm gushing over my profile pix and my grammar :-) What about yours? How would a child Rate your blog?????

Thursday, June 4, 2009


Hi there, remember me??? Ofcourse u do :-) how una dey?? i'm still enjoying my leave but felt like publishing (some of) my drafts b4 someone hack into it; u tink its not possible??? okay o' lol; neways dis post was supposed to be published after my blog anniversary but chelsea's no 1 striker *Bayo disappearance from the team made me reschedule it; no be small thing o, even abramovich was involved in d search :-) *the yeye boy has returned home jare (he resurfaced d day man-u managed to beat arsenal :-) Thanks guys for your concern, d problem now is how 2 remove my number 4rm mummy's phone (the world cup is around d corner, i cant shout!!

500 amazing/ funny / weird things i ve learnt 4rm blogville

1) language is not a barrier

2) some stalk to be 1st, while odas bad-belle u for being 1stttttt :-)
3) age is nothing; one smallie go read ur post and leave comment like; babe u be mumu o, u no kno say bla bla blah :-)
4) age is nothing; we are never too old to learn new/old stuff;
5) cliques/bigzboys & gals networks also exist in 9jablogville;
6) humour is very effective but not everyone will lol/lmao/rotfol
7) a simple thought can be around the world in seconds
8) blogging under ur real name can sometimes have dire consequences
9) comment moderation is the bestest thing after guguru n epa;
10) the impact a blog can have in the world is more than most bloggers realize.
11) some bloggers take things 2 personal e.g nobemenuna
12) one blogger go get like 7 blogs, 3 of dem get branches = 13 blogs:-)
13) a problem shared is not always solved (True orFalse

Erm....i kno i said 500 things (na beans???) but blame it on ma keyboarddddd:-) now ur turn' wat have blogville tot u???

Thursday, May 7, 2009


*clears throat* I had to interrupt my blog-annual-leave to post this annoucement, plz treat as urgent.

A young man has been reported missing by his *mum.
His name is *Bayo Mattew Adeolowo
He is in his late teens and hails from Ogun state
He is 5ft 7 and dark in complexion
He was last seen at a Guiness viewing centre,
wearing a *Chelsea No.14 jersey
along *itire road, surulere lagos.
Pls if sighted, call contact the nearest police officer/OPC
or elgeeeee via *
Thank you.


(To bayo) O'boy you berra dey haus b4 i come back 4rm wrk' dis evening, abi you wan give your mama hypertension????? ahnn ahh' *She don call me reach 20 times since morning (ie plus *flash) even sef' which kind biz you and *chelski get????? abi you know drogba 4rm him village??? eh! i say answer mi????? chelsea don lose n there is nothing you, hiddink, lampard, anieka, wellsbaba or toks can do to change it' Kapishh!?!? :-)
PS: make sure say u see me dis evening...........a word is enuf

Eyin temi atata, how una dey? my blog-leave ends (whenever i decide)
i will be back to regular blogging soonest' :-)
PSS: I' ll try to upload bayo's pix later, pls suggest the kind of punishment dat befits him for..........oooooh his mum is calling me again, Kia!! 2day na 2day *sigh*

Saturday, March 28, 2009


oops!!! i meantttt 1 'tho it feels like 70 sumtimes :-)

Yessoooooo 2day is my blog-anniversary. Three hundred n sixty five days ago i became a blogger' just for the fun of it, n wat a year of fun it has been; a year of growth, learning, self-discovery and making new friends/families and communities; becoming a 9jablogger/blog reader/blog stalker also opened my eyes to many things that were happening in the world that I wasn’t aware of; it also made it easier (almost free) for me to travel to america/asia/europe n oda countries without getting/paying for a visa and even live there (4 my mind) without fear of deportation :-) In all' it has been a year of FUN 'tho weird; at times i find ma self talking 2 ma sef, cracking ma brain for sumn to write about or laughing aloud when i recollect sumn i read on blogville, i cant count the number of times i ve dreamt of some bloggers; last wk i dreamt of seeing fba at oshodi, he was selling o'dee's chips tho' he had omoibadan's voice, xsn's shape and TE's hair' lolllll no ask me how manage o :-)

I want to thank everyone dat have commented on dis blog (even the waka pass-ers) thank you for accepting me even tho u cant see, hear or perceive me :-) I' ve met many wonderful pple thru dis medium '4get say some of dem get scoin-scoin; i raise nyansh for ALL of una (afro not dat kind yansh o; cos e no easy to maintain blog (even wen bad belle pple dey put sand for our garri wit dia yamayama comments, we still stand *Gidigba! No saking!!! :-)

I planned celebrating dis anniversary with everyone' especially after being awarded the Blogger I would most like to meet in the just concluded naija bloggers awards but sumn happened to the cake i bought for d occasion; nope it didnt get burnt' neither was it stolen, rather it was crushed by a container abi na q-cabin *sigh* eyin temi' no be small thing o' dos of u dat work in vee-eye can testify to it (wetin una tink say cause allll dat hold-up yestaday morning) so i kukuma leave am for dia; (u for pack am?? even if i pack am, u go gree chop am??:-) BUT norrrin do me, norrrin do u ' we must still celebrate!!!!, daddy-showkey if u don ready, lets go......

sumbodi call ma name...lg,
pple dem calling ma name.... lg
lg-baby u don come back again o
mama dem' dem r calling ma name
even little shildren' dem r calling ma name
lg come, lg come, lg come, lg come
lg-baby u don come back again (chorus till fade :-)


PS: a special shout out to these wonderful bloggers (hope u r reading), Super girl, Ajike, Ejura, 9jalines, Thots of a naija woman, Duchess, Aba boy, Aloofaa, Rethots, 007, FFF, Chi-grace, Mz dee, Shalewa, Sabira, Nikkysab, 9jachikito, Freshnfab, The last king of scotland, Tairebabs, Onome, Minky, Sasuke, 9ja fine girl, 9ja idol, Bold faze, Kemmie, Allied, Lightly, Bunnmy, Sherri, Enigma, Ms emmotion, Dee, Woomie, Lady A, Nogo, Yar'mama, Ynot, Debbie, James tubman, Pink gloves, Pink satin, Twix, Blazingfano, Someone else's life, Copido, Anonymous gal, Geisha, Uchevelli, Stella dimoko, Ice queen, Jinta, Remi united kingdom, Gllady, Darker-berry, Sandrine-enigma, Darkelcee, For the luv of me, Omohemi-benson, L'amour, Write-uche, Akannimo, Classybabe, Tininu(guy), Tininu(babe), Kayshawn, Qmoney, Simply-Lisa, Musco, Posh-buki, Manda, Archiwiz, Ibo-dude, DB, Dbalone, Alibaba, Porter d hacourt, Red sapphire n many others' numerous to mention, WETIN do una?!?!?.

PSS: most of the bloggers i mentioned have not updated in ages, some have gone private/ missing in action while others have disappeared 4rm blogville without permission (at least' i kno i didnt permit anyone) so the shout-out is a WAKE UP CALL :-)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

only in 9ja....

original mgbeks formulated it, afro merixed it, dis is my version;
Funny, weird yet amazing things dat can only be associated with 9geria/9gerians :-

Everyone is a copy-cat e.g this post :-)
* LASTMA is more dreaded than the 9gerian police
* Our lawmakers are the 1st law breakers; need examples??? :-)
* Man-no-die' man-no-rotten mentality (go look for interpreter :-)
* Politics is a do or die affair (ts self xplanatory)
* Every flying cockroach /wall gecko is a monitoring spirit
* 5 out of every 15 civillian have been harrased by a conductor/police
* If u are xceptionally beautiful, u are a mammywater or ogbanje
* 9gerians no dey fear face; last wk president yardy's convoy was attacked in jos (a whole presido)
* Everything is jazz related; (u get wrk na jazz, u marry na jazz, u get money na jazz, u no get money na ..... : -)
* There is a generator, recharge card seller, mallam on every street
* Almost everyone have climbed okada n drank pure water (i said' almost o :-)
* Single mothers r bad market; single fathers r xempted (very pathetic)
* Almost all 9ja songs has a razz word eg faayaa, koko, kentro, kolo, maga, shayo, ja'wonsi, 4kasibe (my fav)
* African-time' has gotten a new meaning; i went for a function dat was supposed to start by 9am, 6hrs later......nathing
* Some car owners want to be regarded as a bigz boy/girl; i kno a broda dat stay in a one room 'face- me- i- slap-you', shares d toilet with 15 oda tenants, queues 2 fetch water 4rm d well but maintains a tear-rubber honda baby-boy (i suspect say him own' na jazz :p
* What goes up, neva comes down; b4 b4 sweets were being sold for 1 naira (now 2 for 5naira) coke was 25naira (now 60-100naira) a gallon of kerosene was formerly 60naira (now 480/600 naira), Ajegunle to CMS formerly 30naira; now 100naira
* Flashing' is on a kentro level; somebody wld flash you' say like.....10times, only for u to cal n they ll say, 'i just say make i greet u' or a strange voice ll ask, 'ta'lon soro???? :-)

These r all i cld come up wit for now, wat r urs???????

PS: Congrats to Arsenal football club una try sha, but if una fit beat chelsea(again), i promise all of una one house each 4 lekki :-)
norrin do una!!

Friday, March 13, 2009

TGIF: did u see my phone???

James (my colleague) got to the office this morning in his jeans and prada top, 30mins later he realized he couldnt find his phone; he came to my office n the following conversation ensued;
James: o baby, nawa o' i no see my 4one again
Lg: how manage?? u sure say u no leave am 4 haus?????
James: No, i even use am receive call for cms b4 i enta bus
Lg: Cee gini???
James: cms naa!
Lg: *grinning* aaaaaah no wonda, i see ur 4one jare
James: *amazed* you sure?? for where?????
Lg: for cms naa
James: *smiling* thank very much, where 4 cms???
Lg: you kno dat place where dem dey enter 'ajah bus, e get one lonnnnnnnnng pole wey dey dia, na on top d pole i see ur 4one
James: *doubtful* El'gee u sure?????
Lg: ofcof!! infact d 4one just dey dia dey cry' 'james o jamess oo but i nor kno say na ur 'james' be dat; pele o.

*shior* yeye dey smell, who nor sabi say dem no dey bring out 4one for cms? (esp when u wan drag enter public transport) boyoyo no soji at all Haba!!! *shakes head* d phone don enta voice-mail, but if him dey lucky, dem fit re-sell am 4 am for under bridge for 5k (d 40ne is worth 30bay). He was my 2nd colleague dat had his phone stolen at cms, the other guy got to the office with a new green ear piece (e resemble xmas lite) minus d blackberry he bought 2wks ago (dat one' pesin go begin dey speak patua:-)

I remember the first time my 4one was stolen/borrowed, it was 'may 29 2007 during the inauguration of d present lagos state governor (BRF) at tafawa balewa square, i was on my way to ikoyi with a male friend to drop my cv wit one of his other male friend; since the day (aka black tuesday) had being declared a public holiday, we decided to go thru cms (thinking d road wld be free of traffic; By the time we got to race course the ceremony had already ended and many AC supporters (garbed in the inaugural ankara) were trooping out, we were stil discussing the loss of DPA's jimi agbaje when they started robbing vehicles on the road, when it got to our turn, the boy just carry my bag begin dey go...... WETIN??????? na so i begin shout, 'my cv, my cv! he took my ceevee!! ' My fear fear friend held my hand and told me not to worry, FOR WHERE???? na so i begin the open door, nee jst grabbed me, begin beg me say 'lg abeg o, abi u wan die??? dat boy don smoke igbo' him even carry gun' EHEN??? 'make him collect d money, drop my bag na', my cries fell on deaf ears as he held on to me tight till they all left (others brandishing knives n all even came to re-check if they had 4gotten to take sumn'till date i still cringe wherever i m in dat vicinity.
PS: The next day 'nee replaced everything including MY CV:-)
PSS: Bros Fash, if you are reading dis, u still owe me a brand new NOKIA ----- (make i no lie' na nokia 2650 :-)

The 2nd time was also in a car, i was with dangote' at harbour works bustop along ikorodu road; there was traffic (as usual) the next thing we heard a loud noise close to d car, looked out n saw a young man pointing to the tyres, thinking the tyres had burst' dangote wind down And we saw ourselves looking at a black/brown/red/blue thing (maybe na biro/spanner/plier but we no need confirmation, we just surrender our 4ones (d only thing he asked for) if una see as dangote dey shiver????? u rememba dat 'shan george/orange drug advert' dat shaky shaky daddy one, yelz' na so :-)
PS: This one happened few days after 'nee replaced the first 4one

The 3rd time was at *drum roll* OSHODI, lets just say i walked into a ram-fight and the rest like they say in oyinbo film is history :-) but eyin temi after dos hypertension-threatening incidents (and seriessssss of prayas and fastn) i don dey shine my eyez like scofield' (esp when i dey dos area wey omo boiz dey run things) i carry my 4one in a pouch, infact let me give u a HINT on how to recognize me (woomie hope u r reading); look out for a fine yellow chic sporting a 'gallas and ALWAYS wearing a black pouch on her wrist at #%#% every morning by 9.00 am or 5 ' o clock in the evening.
PS: If una go harass innocent pesin wey tanda him own for bustop.........'you are on ur own o :-)


If YOU have already voted but DIDNT vote for LADYGUIDE, u berra go to a cafe NOW n correct ur MISTAKE; forget fba's threats, na today?????? e don tey wey nyansh get centre-parting jare, NORRIN DEY HAPPEN !!!!

Have a fabulous w'end

Monday, March 9, 2009


*Do not adjust ur browser

Hehehehehehehehehe see as dem dey run come' even lenie, molly and garfield; KAI!!!! afrobabe c'mon stop pushing qmoney and simplegal' they were on the line before you, abi na everyday u go dey carry 1sttttttt??? :-) mizcynic, ibiluv eku id malud*

*clears throat* Yesooooooo i want to use this opportunity to thank everyone that nominated me as the Bloggers Choice and the Most Likable Blogger in the **NAIJA BLOGGERS AWARDS;
I must confess, when i first read about the awards i was like 'dem don carry come' tho i frequently checked the site for updates and comments' i never nominated anybody not even myself (no lie) neither did i ask anyone to nominate me, so u can imagine my shock/surprise when i checked on saturday and saw my blogname among the nominees, in my head (itsalie!!!) i had to refresh to confirm it was really 'Ladyguide i was seeing and not 'Ladipo. Thank you for believing in me, i feel soooo humbled, honoured, h%!!#&&&%!!# infact i dey fel like obasanjo o o) ese'gan

I also want to commend the organisers' sting, toluwa, geisha, funms and co for a job well done ( i know say e no easy) although i xpected to see the names of some notable naija bloggers like and ....... BUT, who am i to grumble' AFTERALL i didnt nominate anybody (thank God for category B)

Once again, i say a big THANK YOU for the nomination; for those that didnt nominate me......(u still dey read??) Abegggggggggggggi go vote for LADYGUIDE inshort any place u see LA. . . .*(sorry LInda) just click on dat small round button near it. *God bless u as u vote.
Norrin do una'
PS: fba abeg come help me begin share the zobo*

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

G for gun

"Aunty e'gee i ll tut you o' were the words 3yr old Ola hurled at me as soon as i entered their house, 'backtosender' i replied (in my head); instead of g'morning ma or mummy afternoon, na shoot him wan shoot, i confronted his mom' only for her to say, "Fear ' Fear na water gun o" Ehennn even ifffffff na 'akamu gun or kuli kuli gun' same no'ni..... abi how una c am?? isnt it too early for a 3yr old boy to know abt guns????? mummy tk /jidesalu/ 9jalines/007 i nid ur input(s) or when is the right time to introduce our kids to guns, as in 'ifeanyi meet gun, gun meet ifeanyi', some parents even buy it for their daughters (e be like say doll-baby don finish for market?)

The rate at which we xpose our children to violence is alarming, the oda day our bus was passing thru vee'eye, we passed a school and the first thing i saw was G for gun (with a pix) painted on the school wall' Wat happened to G for goat, G for gala, or even G for elGee; 'WHY g for gun, i complained to dangote n he said maybe its bcos its a naval/airforce school, FOR KIDS? i retorted' na so him jst face front :) Wat abt dos pictures of our 9ja delta boiz dressed in fatigues splashed in the media daily, wat abt dos cartoons, dos movies, dos music videos, dos adverts......... last wk i saw an ad' where a man was using a gun to kill the mosquitos biting his sleeping daughter; in my head 'CREATIVE but the kids are also watching.

I remember the verrrrrrrrrry 1st time i saw a bullet (not even a gun) it was in the office (early dis year); if i tel una say aproko dey pay, na lie o :) i karry my leg go visit our security men for their office, na so i reach dia begin halla, "anything for the girls, anything for the girls", dem just sidon dey look me dey laff' as i dey open and ransack dia drawers, 1st drawer: empty, 2nd drawer: old newspaper 'shior, 3rd drawer: bullllll (e small' come black one kind like.... like.... na bullet sha) omo' i no wait to confirm d black thing wey follow am, na so i begin stammer, say i dey go down; i sure say if to say officer p look well well' him for see yellow stain for my trousa (na piss) mehnn' d kind fear wey grip me eh, since dat day' i dey greet dem 4rm afar :)

Dos of u dat are familiar wit wazobia fm (a radio station in lagos) can attest to d fact that yaw and his colleagues kill more than 100 nigerians daily, HABA!!!! imagine some people calling to say, "Ehen yaw na me' abeg shooooooot my husband, yess my husband, he still dey sleep' or "omotunde, how ur side? ehen i want make u shoot me gun, or "oga yaw, shoot my friend timothy well well' 3rd mainland block o (na timothy block am???:) after d request d next thing u go hear na, ratatatata ratrata Boom!! tatata piuum Boom!!, some callers will even specify where they want the person to be shot' like the leg or hand; and una say na joke?????? i dey wait for d day wey person go phone say, "YAW ABEG 'HELEP ME SHOOT LG FOR.......... yaw go just hear gbosaaaai for him face 4rm nowhere, abi which kind rough play be dat ????? :)


Granny with 30yrs old finger nails; sumbori say ohon'ohon

Monday, February 9, 2009


wey dem? wey dem?? i say wey dem???? :)
Yessooooooooo i m baaccccck!!!! dos of una wey don dey threaten to delete my blog shld ni'suru till i remember my password so i go email to una (aloofa watch dis space) :p
I nor traful o' na my keyboard dey act up, if i type A, na S go appear; if i type R, na G i go see; i complain to our engineer n he say na too much typing, say i don type sotey all d characters don clean finish (i suspect say na fake keyboard) so naim make me say make i teslo for blogville but d keyboard no dissappoint me to carry 1st sha (temite 'ntoii) :p
sooooo wota gwan? wetin i miss?? werrin dey shele?' as in who marry?? who born?? who relocate?? or defecate??? :-) i get plenti plenty gist for una o, d things wey my eyes see' and my ear hear during dis period wey my keyboard go leave, no be small thing, i don compile sum of dem for una enjoyment, so if una don ready..............lets go dia

*OKADA HELMET FALLOUT: When i talk about d gbege wey dis hellmet kini fit cause, sum of una tink say i dey yarn opata, now see as e dey cause confusion everiwhere; according to this gist, one okada man like dat carry passenger for agege, as soon as the passenger (sex unkown) wear the helmet, naim him just change to yam/isu/ji/doya; hmm' no be laffing matter, inshort if any of una dey doubt me, just fix date (any day) and i go carry you go ojokoro police station for agege go see where them put the yam (i nor kno weda na 4 behind counter o) with ur korokoro eyez. u fit even bring camera come so u go get chance snap d yam wit okadaman(ie if dem neva bail dem)
ps: Standtall plz confirm :p

*MAN TURNS TO GOAT: I kno say dis tori no be fresh one esp for dos of us wey dey 9ja but 4 sake of sum oda pple wey neva hear like ...... and ....., dem say sum vigilante pple see 2 men wey wan thief one mazda, naim so dey pursue dem but unfortuntely, one of thief jump fence run, leaving behind d oda man, but as dem rush am, him just face wall' come change into goat/ewu/ewure but the vigilantes no send o, dem just carry the goat (i sure say dem tie him leg sef) go police station where dem lock am; i even hear say the man/goat no dey chop grass at all, say na only water him dey drink, plenty pple don condemn 9ja police for dis mata, say how dem go disgrace us like dis, sotey d tori don waka reach BBC. As for me elgee, i believe d story jare' abi no be 9ja we dey??? and bcos of my luv for 9ja police, i go give dem one strategy wey go helep dem redeem demself (free of charge) and d strategy be say, make the ojokoro police men release the yam make we carry am traful go kwara, go meet the goat, if the goat eat the yam naim be say nothing nothing but if d goat no eat d yam or if d yam eat d goat '(ova to una)

*YARDY'S VACATION: Dis one just dey annoy me bcos i nor kno why sum pple go dey drink alabukun for anoda pessin headache; Oga presido say him wan go 2wks vacation, people begin hala say one thing' one thing, me' i nor undastand oooooooo' abi pessin nor go rest again, d man na president naaa' abi una tink say e easy to be president of 9ja' make una free d man jare, Haba!!! even if him dey seeek' who nor dey seeek???? abegiii lef matta for mathaias; Yardy is our president weda we like it or not and it is God dat put him there (for a reason) so instead of us to continue calling for his head abi na leg, lets pray for him (he needs it); anywey according to nta, him suppose resume work 2day, like i said ko'eazy.

*JJ OKOCHA VS ETIM ESIN: Dis one na one drama wey i go follow till the ending :) according to the gist, jayjay wan host parry for him klub' him come invite him friends including Etim esin as per former colleague levels, but according to gbefilas, as party dey go on' naim small time dem announce say okocha phone dey miss, like play like play, dem begin search everibodi wey come party, na so e reach etim turn, dem search etim soteyyyyyyyy(dem search am sha) dem no see 40ne, during d search 'okocha come land, come rake for the searchers say,' na wetin???? una no dey look face??? una ori'4kasibe??? inshort' him sha apologise to etim well well say, make him no vex o, say na misunderstanding (i even hear say, him find am sumthing) na so d matter die, but the next thing we begin hear be say, Etim don 'employ one lawyer (guess who) to sue jay jay for 100million naira for damages; okocha on the other hand come say, him go sue etim 300 million for suing him *sigh* ndi nkem no be small thing o' as of now, Etim don loss him job for Hitv wey him dey follow analyze premier league matches bcos *whispers* him no gree drop the charges and apologies to okocha. The only thing wey i go talk be say one day 'one day the truth shall prevail

*GOV. FASHOLA NA IBO??: The oda day, i go oshodi to do my hair (why u dey bend face??:p) and say make i use my eyes confirm wetin my ear dey hear say fashola do; Nna mehnn when i land oshodi, e just be like say.......i dey yankee(sum how):p' Everywhere just clearrrrrrrrrrrrr, i even look for my agbero peeps (osama and co) i no see dem, e be like say dem don change base; omo oshodi clear sotey, u fit stand for oshodi see iyana ipaja :) but one thing wey i no gbadu na d pedestrian bridge wey i gats to use with 1million oda people (u sef no fit count dem) to cross to d oda side of d road; d hold up boku sotey, lastma officials dey control pple; u go dey hear' You stay there'; Oya you' move quick'; heyyy go back, go n join d queue; sum of dem even carry okondo :) its all gud jare, we gats to start sumwhere; but ndi nkem, pple sabi spread rumour o; wen i dey make my hair naim i ask my hairdresser say, wetin govt wan use d portion of land wey dem clear do, she come tell say, "Ahhh fashola wan plant flower", for my mind i confuse but i jst say, 'dats good , na so one woman wey dey sell purewater just chook mouth say, "No mind dat omo ibo jare, na flower we go chop??" at dis point i no fit pretend, i just comot my hairdresser hand 4rm my hair' come ask d woman, "madam (:p) abeg repeat wetin u just talk", trust yoruba woman' na so she begin shout, "Sista i tel u, fashola na ibo, i say na omo ibo bcos omo-eko no go dey break break everywhere like dis, go mushin, okoko, obalende' he jst dey pursue pple say, if lagos too hot for u, make u come collect 'transport (N6000) go bac to ur village", omo d woman nearly convince me o' but i no say right 4rm time wey i dey hear fashola, i kno say na 'ofe mmanu but since i no get him gsm to confirm am, na una (yes una) i go ask, mgbo Fashola na 'ajeokuta ma'mumi????? :p
to be continued,

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Okada' london how much????

Awero: ojuelegba na how much??
Okada: na N500
Awero: say who die *hiss and moves away*
Okada: oya wait' how much u wan pay?
Awero: na N200 i get
Okada: okay enter' *gives her hellmet*
Awero: *snorts* dis ur helmet wey resemble back of pot, u dey wash am?
Okada: ahhh mama' na fashola o'
Awero: abegi' make i hear word jare' everithing na fashola' abi no be 4 una own good? if accident happen nko' no be dis helmet go save u??
Okada: mama' 4get dat one jare' no be today i begin drive 'machine
Awero: boya'lomo, jus carry me go where i tell u and i take God beg you' no speed o'
Okada: hahahahahahaha nothing do u mama' jus hold me tight'
Awero: ori'e
(The next morning)
Awero: *combs hair* omo' see as my hair dey cut o' wetin be dis??
*more hair comes off *egbami ' dat okadaman don kill me o' c all my hair for ground' yeeeeaa mami!! maammii!!

Vitus: my man' carry me go computer village
Okada: bros na N500
Vitus: come' if na play' stop am o' computer village e'baa; na N150 I enter am last week'
Okada: oga dat oone na last year' abi u neva hear say we don deyprovide helmet for passengers.
Vitus: wetin consign me wit dat one' na N160 i go pay' last.
Okada: oga i no go' na union price i give u
Vitus: *walks away* dis is rabbish!!
Okada: i nor go skool o'

Scholastica: *chewing gum* heyyy aboki' vee eye (v/island)
Aboki: pay N700
Scholastica: see ya mouth like 700; all dis mallam of yesterday; una don come open eye 4 lagos' na N300 i go pay.
Aboki: madam' i no be mo'llla o' oya put sumthing' u kno say hold-up plenty for road
Scholastica: ehen' na kuramo i dey go'
Aboki: ok enter; take ya helmet.
Scholastica: make dis ur jagajaga helmet no spoil my hair'
*after sum minutes*
Aboki: madam' we don dey reach kuramo
'Scholastica: (starts bleating) bea' bea' bea??
Aboki: *grinning* abi u nor wan come down?
Scholastica: bea'bea'bea * gestures with her hands pleadingly*
Aboki: dis ya 'breast go hear am today hahahahahahaha *zooms off*

Eyin temi' dos n many others are d kind of stories i ve been hearing since the FRSC mandated all motorcyle operators popularly called okada to use the crash helmet, tho i've not been able to verify any of the tori(s), it is not impossible (na 9ja we dey now) but dat is not our portion (Amen)
On my to work dis morning i saw one working class lady on okada holding her helmet above her head, as in she use her two hands hold am, n i began to wonder, wat if??????? how wld d helmet protect her?? abi dat na d latest style? cos u see guys doing same; even when the so-called helmets doesnt have straps.
Although i'm yet to use a helmet' (that is, i neva enter okada since dis year' (praise jah :p) i dont know how i going to wear the HELMET aka 'clement' on my head; (who sabi d kind ogor wey don wear am???) knowing how untidy sum of our okada men are. Dangote suggested buying me a crash hemlet but i REJECT am, abi na helmet him mates dey buy for der babes? him no kno where dem dey sell Rav 4 or X5 :)
Come to think of it, i wonder why there are no dispossable helmets' (as in u after u wear am finish u throway am) maybe its time sumone suggests it to the manufacturers (naughty eyes' wetin u feel??) b4 pesin go contract wetin no get name (since u CANNOT vouch 4 who had worn it)
Anoda interesting thing is the way our men in black are active' in arresting any defaulter, u go tink say na anoda thing dem dey find :) its all good sha' after all na part of their job' (shebi aloofaa??) Eko oni baje jare; Here's hoping IT lasts' cos sum of my 9ja pple sabi bend law to wetin suit dem.The FRSC has so far arrested 3,000 defaulters (na wa wa)

PS: Ehen as per dos dat kwalified to get my special hampers, nothing' nothing for una' cos none of you were able to decode the meaning of FOKASIBE; *shakes head* a whole blogville!!!! xcept for woomie who gets a ''HAM'' and uzezi who deserves a ''PER'' for been able to relate with it; SO diafor' ALL Hamper gifts have been suspended until further noticeeeeeee *grins*
until later

Monday, January 5, 2009


That 2009 will be a year of :
*Manisfestation of God's supernatural blessings in her family
*Greater achievements & experiences in her career.
*Restoration and fruitfulness in her body, soul and spirit
*And above all' Unlimited Grace
as you type in ur Amen' May it also be well with u and your family

Yessoooo0 2008 is gone and can Never come back Not even as a Remix, We give Glory to God for everything Esp' the fact that you can Still view dis Blog '
who says this is not a Miracle??????
We hope 2009 ll be a year of testimonies even for our country 9ja; Heres praying for better governance and an end to boju-boju politricks.

Hope u all had a lov'ly christmas, Lagos was as usual lagos and everywhere u go na fokasibe u go hear' ori'e fokasibe, danfo fokasibe, Arsenal fokasibe Abeg wat is fokasibe???? (FBA/XSN ova to una) talking of agberos' i nor kno wetin to buy for my 'Agbero' as xmas gift o' the bobo don try for urs truly no be small, anytime wey he see me for cms na free ride to kilimanjaro be dat, another thing i gbadu abt him is dat he is neat and not rough unlike his oda colleagues as in' he goes abt his duties quietly and diligently, i have not seen him fight with any driver or conductor neither have i caught him smoking dat thing tho his lips tells a different story entirely But above all he calls me mamma' (who dey jealous??
So make una suggest wetin i go buy for my 'Agbero' who coincidentally bears a name that starts wit 'A and ends with O'
P.S: I no want suggestions like 'boxers' or singlet' b4 d bobo go begin tink say i get hidden agenda o :)

In the spirit of celebrating 2009ja, the first 9 commenters gets special hampers from LG'

Happy New Yeah'