Wednesday, February 25, 2009

G for gun

"Aunty e'gee i ll tut you o' were the words 3yr old Ola hurled at me as soon as i entered their house, 'backtosender' i replied (in my head); instead of g'morning ma or mummy afternoon, na shoot him wan shoot, i confronted his mom' only for her to say, "Fear ' Fear na water gun o" Ehennn even ifffffff na 'akamu gun or kuli kuli gun' same no'ni..... abi how una c am?? isnt it too early for a 3yr old boy to know abt guns????? mummy tk /jidesalu/ 9jalines/007 i nid ur input(s) or when is the right time to introduce our kids to guns, as in 'ifeanyi meet gun, gun meet ifeanyi', some parents even buy it for their daughters (e be like say doll-baby don finish for market?)

The rate at which we xpose our children to violence is alarming, the oda day our bus was passing thru vee'eye, we passed a school and the first thing i saw was G for gun (with a pix) painted on the school wall' Wat happened to G for goat, G for gala, or even G for elGee; 'WHY g for gun, i complained to dangote n he said maybe its bcos its a naval/airforce school, FOR KIDS? i retorted' na so him jst face front :) Wat abt dos pictures of our 9ja delta boiz dressed in fatigues splashed in the media daily, wat abt dos cartoons, dos movies, dos music videos, dos adverts......... last wk i saw an ad' where a man was using a gun to kill the mosquitos biting his sleeping daughter; in my head 'CREATIVE but the kids are also watching.

I remember the verrrrrrrrrry 1st time i saw a bullet (not even a gun) it was in the office (early dis year); if i tel una say aproko dey pay, na lie o :) i karry my leg go visit our security men for their office, na so i reach dia begin halla, "anything for the girls, anything for the girls", dem just sidon dey look me dey laff' as i dey open and ransack dia drawers, 1st drawer: empty, 2nd drawer: old newspaper 'shior, 3rd drawer: bullllll (e small' come black one kind like.... like.... na bullet sha) omo' i no wait to confirm d black thing wey follow am, na so i begin stammer, say i dey go down; i sure say if to say officer p look well well' him for see yellow stain for my trousa (na piss) mehnn' d kind fear wey grip me eh, since dat day' i dey greet dem 4rm afar :)

Dos of u dat are familiar wit wazobia fm (a radio station in lagos) can attest to d fact that yaw and his colleagues kill more than 100 nigerians daily, HABA!!!! imagine some people calling to say, "Ehen yaw na me' abeg shooooooot my husband, yess my husband, he still dey sleep' or "omotunde, how ur side? ehen i want make u shoot me gun, or "oga yaw, shoot my friend timothy well well' 3rd mainland block o (na timothy block am???:) after d request d next thing u go hear na, ratatatata ratrata Boom!! tatata piuum Boom!!, some callers will even specify where they want the person to be shot' like the leg or hand; and una say na joke?????? i dey wait for d day wey person go phone say, "YAW ABEG 'HELEP ME SHOOT LG FOR.......... yaw go just hear gbosaaaai for him face 4rm nowhere, abi which kind rough play be dat ????? :)


Granny with 30yrs old finger nails; sumbori say ohon'ohon

Monday, February 9, 2009


wey dem? wey dem?? i say wey dem???? :)
Yessooooooooo i m baaccccck!!!! dos of una wey don dey threaten to delete my blog shld ni'suru till i remember my password so i go email to una (aloofa watch dis space) :p
I nor traful o' na my keyboard dey act up, if i type A, na S go appear; if i type R, na G i go see; i complain to our engineer n he say na too much typing, say i don type sotey all d characters don clean finish (i suspect say na fake keyboard) so naim make me say make i teslo for blogville but d keyboard no dissappoint me to carry 1st sha (temite 'ntoii) :p
sooooo wota gwan? wetin i miss?? werrin dey shele?' as in who marry?? who born?? who relocate?? or defecate??? :-) i get plenti plenty gist for una o, d things wey my eyes see' and my ear hear during dis period wey my keyboard go leave, no be small thing, i don compile sum of dem for una enjoyment, so if una don ready..............lets go dia

*OKADA HELMET FALLOUT: When i talk about d gbege wey dis hellmet kini fit cause, sum of una tink say i dey yarn opata, now see as e dey cause confusion everiwhere; according to this gist, one okada man like dat carry passenger for agege, as soon as the passenger (sex unkown) wear the helmet, naim him just change to yam/isu/ji/doya; hmm' no be laffing matter, inshort if any of una dey doubt me, just fix date (any day) and i go carry you go ojokoro police station for agege go see where them put the yam (i nor kno weda na 4 behind counter o) with ur korokoro eyez. u fit even bring camera come so u go get chance snap d yam wit okadaman(ie if dem neva bail dem)
ps: Standtall plz confirm :p

*MAN TURNS TO GOAT: I kno say dis tori no be fresh one esp for dos of us wey dey 9ja but 4 sake of sum oda pple wey neva hear like ...... and ....., dem say sum vigilante pple see 2 men wey wan thief one mazda, naim so dey pursue dem but unfortuntely, one of thief jump fence run, leaving behind d oda man, but as dem rush am, him just face wall' come change into goat/ewu/ewure but the vigilantes no send o, dem just carry the goat (i sure say dem tie him leg sef) go police station where dem lock am; i even hear say the man/goat no dey chop grass at all, say na only water him dey drink, plenty pple don condemn 9ja police for dis mata, say how dem go disgrace us like dis, sotey d tori don waka reach BBC. As for me elgee, i believe d story jare' abi no be 9ja we dey??? and bcos of my luv for 9ja police, i go give dem one strategy wey go helep dem redeem demself (free of charge) and d strategy be say, make the ojokoro police men release the yam make we carry am traful go kwara, go meet the goat, if the goat eat the yam naim be say nothing nothing but if d goat no eat d yam or if d yam eat d goat '(ova to una)

*YARDY'S VACATION: Dis one just dey annoy me bcos i nor kno why sum pple go dey drink alabukun for anoda pessin headache; Oga presido say him wan go 2wks vacation, people begin hala say one thing' one thing, me' i nor undastand oooooooo' abi pessin nor go rest again, d man na president naaa' abi una tink say e easy to be president of 9ja' make una free d man jare, Haba!!! even if him dey seeek' who nor dey seeek???? abegiii lef matta for mathaias; Yardy is our president weda we like it or not and it is God dat put him there (for a reason) so instead of us to continue calling for his head abi na leg, lets pray for him (he needs it); anywey according to nta, him suppose resume work 2day, like i said ko'eazy.

*JJ OKOCHA VS ETIM ESIN: Dis one na one drama wey i go follow till the ending :) according to the gist, jayjay wan host parry for him klub' him come invite him friends including Etim esin as per former colleague levels, but according to gbefilas, as party dey go on' naim small time dem announce say okocha phone dey miss, like play like play, dem begin search everibodi wey come party, na so e reach etim turn, dem search etim soteyyyyyyyy(dem search am sha) dem no see 40ne, during d search 'okocha come land, come rake for the searchers say,' na wetin???? una no dey look face??? una ori'4kasibe??? inshort' him sha apologise to etim well well say, make him no vex o, say na misunderstanding (i even hear say, him find am sumthing) na so d matter die, but the next thing we begin hear be say, Etim don 'employ one lawyer (guess who) to sue jay jay for 100million naira for damages; okocha on the other hand come say, him go sue etim 300 million for suing him *sigh* ndi nkem no be small thing o' as of now, Etim don loss him job for Hitv wey him dey follow analyze premier league matches bcos *whispers* him no gree drop the charges and apologies to okocha. The only thing wey i go talk be say one day 'one day the truth shall prevail

*GOV. FASHOLA NA IBO??: The oda day, i go oshodi to do my hair (why u dey bend face??:p) and say make i use my eyes confirm wetin my ear dey hear say fashola do; Nna mehnn when i land oshodi, e just be like say.......i dey yankee(sum how):p' Everywhere just clearrrrrrrrrrrrr, i even look for my agbero peeps (osama and co) i no see dem, e be like say dem don change base; omo oshodi clear sotey, u fit stand for oshodi see iyana ipaja :) but one thing wey i no gbadu na d pedestrian bridge wey i gats to use with 1million oda people (u sef no fit count dem) to cross to d oda side of d road; d hold up boku sotey, lastma officials dey control pple; u go dey hear' You stay there'; Oya you' move quick'; heyyy go back, go n join d queue; sum of dem even carry okondo :) its all gud jare, we gats to start sumwhere; but ndi nkem, pple sabi spread rumour o; wen i dey make my hair naim i ask my hairdresser say, wetin govt wan use d portion of land wey dem clear do, she come tell say, "Ahhh fashola wan plant flower", for my mind i confuse but i jst say, 'dats good , na so one woman wey dey sell purewater just chook mouth say, "No mind dat omo ibo jare, na flower we go chop??" at dis point i no fit pretend, i just comot my hairdresser hand 4rm my hair' come ask d woman, "madam (:p) abeg repeat wetin u just talk", trust yoruba woman' na so she begin shout, "Sista i tel u, fashola na ibo, i say na omo ibo bcos omo-eko no go dey break break everywhere like dis, go mushin, okoko, obalende' he jst dey pursue pple say, if lagos too hot for u, make u come collect 'transport (N6000) go bac to ur village", omo d woman nearly convince me o' but i no say right 4rm time wey i dey hear fashola, i kno say na 'ofe mmanu but since i no get him gsm to confirm am, na una (yes una) i go ask, mgbo Fashola na 'ajeokuta ma'mumi????? :p
to be continued,