Wednesday, July 30, 2008

9ja babes and 'forming'

Eyinn people, werrin dey?? hope no 'wahala'. but wait o!! una see yesterday's 'hold-up'? Mehn....dat one don pass traffic o, i actually wished i could fly home.*grins* but what'a gwan with lagos n traffic sef or e get where dem dey 'dash' people motor??? cos everyday na so cars dey 'boku' for road; if so make i go collect two 'tear-nylon' o, one 4 my sef and one 4 my Granny; at least i wld be happier knowing she now goes to the farm with her RAV4 or CRV, lol hard to imagine shey?? Gran-momsy behind the steering with hoe/cutlass/basket on the passenger's seat LMAO. But seriously, i wonder how pple'll cope when the FG closes 3rd mainland bridge (for repairs) on saturday, i sure say pple go dey enter canoe go work (nor be laffing marrer o) but come to think of it,its another way of making money o, i only need to buy plenty 'canoe' from 'oworonshoki', hire some drivers/divers with one or two life jackets (i cant shout) and charge passengers like 200 bucks per trip ( e nor cost o, remember say i go settle 'agbero' plus no go-slow), LG canoe transport services ltd don 'set' be dat :) or how una see the idea?? all the investment /financial experts in the house, holla!! :-)
(i digress) Yesterday's traffic was terribly o, d annoying thing is dat u can neva tell wats causing it n today doesnt look any different, dis lagos sef!! *hiss
newayz' as i alighted at my bus-stop, alarm begin tear me' i then remembered there was no food in the house, so i strolled to the ms. small (no free advert) close by to get 'beans n dodo' (one my favourite) after getting my food i decided to eat it there (free A/C plus Dstv) i had taken like 5 spoonful then heard clank! clank! clank! i looked up and saw a babe seated adjacent me, eating meatpie wit cutlery; Now i have a problem' n dat problem is dat 'i sabi laff', i nor mind where i dey o, as far as i see sumthing wey funny, hehehehehe go jus come out; so when i see dis mgbeke feeling funky dey battle meatpie n fork, my hehehehe change to hohohoho :-) i cldnt control it o, ofcourse the babe knew why i was laffing, cos she gave me one wicked bad eye, then resumed the WWF, una need to c her face as the fork nor gree co-operate with the knife :-) for my mind 'make dis girl nor chook/cut hersef o, abi na by force?? even the (fine sistah, anything for d boyz) security guards noticed it and were giggling but d babe no send us, IF nor be say i too love 'my face' i for 'snap' her when she dey chop and upload am 4 una :-) but WHY babes like to 'form'?????? (me i no go lie' i used to form till i disgrace mysef n even got a nickname Bouncing Okpa, lollll i ll tell u guys abt it ONLY if u promise not to laff. *grins* but una neva my question o, i say why 'some' babes too dey 'form'???????


Saturday, July 26, 2008

My pickin must play footu-ball

BABA BEJI: *shouting* Taiye!! Taiye!
TAIYE: yess daddy
BABA BEJI: What r u doing there?
TAIYE: i am reading my books
BABA BEJI: Ni'bo!?!? come here dis minute *holds taiye's ears* how many times have i told dat i dont want to see u reading
ur books after school ,ehn how many times
(taiye looks at his father fearfully)
BABA BEJI: cant u talk?? ehn??? where's kehinde??
TAIYE: he has gone to play foot..ball
BABA BEJI: *shout* so WHAT r u doing here, have i not told u dat as soon as u come back from school, u and kenny shld go to dat field close to d market to practise? have i not???
TAIYE:*stammers* but daddey, i dont like football, i m always falling down n injuring mysef
BABA BEJI: c'mon sha'tap!, dont u see papilo...i mean Kanu, was dat not how he started, wat abt Okocha and Mikel???? do u kno how much they are making weekly, and u are here saying .....(mimicks taiye) Rabbish!!!! oya b4 i open my eyes, run to marakana now
TAIYE: but daddey, i ...i...
BABA BEJI: WHAT!?!? *slaps taiye* i say runnnnnnnnn NOW!!!
(enters mama beji)
MAMA BEJI: aah daddy, pls dont slap him again o, u ll injure him , after'all football is not byforce
BABA BEJI: so..... u r d one ehn; u are the one spoiling him with too much books, see let me tell u, i am his father so he must do wat i tell him to do (notices taiye is still there) so' u r still here..(removes slippers)
Taiye runs outside crying
MAMABEJI: Daddy leave my son o, leave my son 4 me o i dont kno dis football thing u r always talking o, is it byforce or how many football did u play wen u were his age.
BABA BEJI: omo-re-gie o!!!! *removes belt* you r cursing me abi, oya come here (reaches for mama beji, who ducks and run into the bedroom)
'why r u running?? come here, let me show u football, nonsense!! dont you see small martins of yesterday asking wenger for £15 million before he can transfer to arsenal, but...cheiii

(looks up and talks to himself)
'but dat kind money go do wonders for my life, if only taiye go serious with football like him brother kenny, i nor get wahala be dat na!! bcos like in 2010 when both of dem go be 20 yrs , dem go dey play for chelsea or man u and even sef, i fit be their manager; dat time na, Mama beji go dey sing yahoozeee, hehehehehe na so women be na!!! anyway, make i go convince her'. (calls wife by pet name)
"Paseromi, ma' binu si mi jor, Paseromi!!" (enters room and shuts door)

Awon temi, dont be too harsh on baba-ibeji o, i just saw the list of the 10 Highest-Paid Soccer Players by Forbes, they are:
1. Ronaldinho, Barcelona FC; Total Earning: $29.5 million / £16 million
2. David Beckham, Real Madrid; Total Earning: $29.1 million / £15.8 million
3. Ronaldo, AC Milan; Total Earning: $23.4 million / £12.7 million
4. Wayne Rooney, Man United FC; Total Earning: $17.2 million / £9.3 million (small boi, i nor sure say him don pass 20yrs)
5. Michael Ballack, Chelsea FC, Total Earning: $16.8 million / £9.1 million
6. Thierry Henry (Igwe), Arsenal FC; Total Earning: $15.8 million / £8.6 million (twas b4, i have no idea wat
barcelona pays him)
7. Zinedine Zidane, Real Madrid; Total Earning: $15.6 million /£8.5 million (i tot he had retired?)
8. Fabio Cannavaro, Real Madrid; Total Earning: $14.6 million / £7.9 million
9. John Terry, Chelsea FC; Total Earning: $14.3 million / £7.7 million
10. Steven Gerrard, Liverpool FC; Total Earning: $14.2 million / £7.7 million
See M-O-N-E-Y!!!! Abeg, dont try converting it to Naira o, i nor wan hear say person don faint *grins* But make una tell me, no be money laundering be dis??? EFCC where art thou??? lol

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


Otherwise known as Epilepsy is a disorder of the central nervous system characterized by loss of consciousness and violent uncontrollable contractions of muscles.
Before now, i had never known or seen anyone come under the 'attack of wa'rapa' ( some believe its an evil spirit) but all that changed yesterday.
After work, i had gotten to the bus garage and i noticed a guy standing and whispering to a lady seated inside d bus i was to board, 'Na wa wa' i muttered. the lady who was prolly in her mid 20s was on low-cut, a top and 3/4 pants (the in-thing for lagos gals), their gist continued till the bus got filled up, the guy tapped/caressed d babe on the shoulder and left. The journey was rather fast cos there was no traffic, thank God. We got to our destination and started alighting, i got down and had only taken 3 steps when i heard "Gbauu!" followed by a loud scream. Na so all man begin run (me nko???? i take off o) who wan die?? lol
I had gotten to a distance then realized some people had stopped running, 'wetin dey hapen for there?' i asked a guy i saw walking calmly behind me, chuckling, he answered 'wetin dey pursue u?' 'if na u nko', i retorted. 'hahahaha, he laughed, anyway na one wa'rapa'-chick like dat'. 'Whats wa'rapa'?? i asked, at this point i noticed a small crowd near d garage. 'Sistah, abeg i nor fit explain, go there go look am', with dat he walked away. On auto pilot, i walked back, when i got to the garage, i saw d lady in low-cut, who some mins ago was talking to her 'guy' twitching on the floor, 'bring spoon', 'bring salt and water' 'dont let her close her mouth o' filled the air, as some women ran helter skelter looking for water( i guess) 'aaww poor girl' i looked on with tears in my eyes , '' she and who follow???" a man asked as he brought out a spoon n forced it into her mouth, Nobody answered, and i wondered abt the guy talking to her at the bus stop, Was he aware of her condition? After some mins , she stopped convulsing, opened her eyes and whispered something to d man holding her, he then asked someone to call a taxi. some female traders started chasing the children who had gathered around away. The cab came and 'the good samaritan' with a another woman, helped the lady inside and cab drove away. the next thing i heard was;
'Na wa o, see as dis thing jus disgrace dis fine gal' 'She be ogbanje??'
'Na only God go save person for dis
lagos o' 'NO! na warapa dey do am' 'Una sure say she nor be winch??' 'She needs serious deliverance o'
'Na una sabi, oya make una dey go, film don finish!!' this from a woman holding a broom poised like she wants to sweep us off the road.
I walked home disturbed, with many questions in my head,
Is epilepsy hereditary?? Didnt she have a premonition?? Is she cursed??
(i hope not) Does it have a cure?? How can one contract it???
*sigh* and such a fine girl too, My pipo i jus tire.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Real Spooky

Hi guys, hope u are all having a swell weekend,
a friend just sent me dis “puzzle”

While sitting down, make clockwise circles with your right foot.
While doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
You ll notice dat our foot will change direction without ur consent (lol).

I tried it n wat can i say except “spoooooky”,
can ANYONE explain it????

**While u are at it, enjoy this one
A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in and was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. " But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my LOVE dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "LOVE dress? But you're naked!" screamed her MIL. "My husband LOVES me to wear this dress," the wife explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my LOVE dress," she whispered, sensually. "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"

PS: Ehen make una follow me go sing Happy Anniversary to MR & MRS STANDTALL, na there e dey happen 2day, so if all of una don tie una gele finish.... Lets gooooooooo

Monday, July 14, 2008

Come n join me...

Baba God don do am again o,
Today is my Baff-day/Bed-day/Buy-day/Birthday
somebody PRAISE THE LORD!!!
dis year i'm xpecting 300 bloggers, 100 VIP and 500 gatecrashers **grins**
d parry kicks off in a few hrs;

Mean wili, Prisco, Aphrodite, n Qmoney, pls ensure dat all d guests are already seated by then.
Ehen!! B4 i forget, i want Mz.dee, Standtall, Duchess, Tairebabs, n Dee to be seated close to Yar'adua (y una dey laf??)

Smaragd pls make sure dat d caterers are already at d venue, (i no wan hear say some pple nor chop o) Aloted, Mommy, Writefreak can assist u wit dat. (ehen, if soft/hard drinks finish, i stil get zobo/peeto for fridge)

Chariziard will take care of entertainment, i hope Dbanj, Psquare, Tubaba, 9ice n others fulfil their promise to come, ehen abeg, if Omo ibadan must perform, he shld not sing 'Gbamileti', i dont want dat kind song on my birthday, Olamild can assist u, but i no want obesere o.

Fantasy queen, Ibiluv ll take care of bloggers 4rm Abj/PH so, FFF, Ejura, Nikisab, Onome, Adoolicious, Ice queen, Naija idol and others look out for them.

I'm counting on Fresh n fab and 134Elitz magazine for the media coverage.

All bloggers outside 9ja, should be seated at d pink hall, u guys are special! Naijalines(i want c tom-tom o), Mummy TK, I hope u r coming wit TK,TE, and Bomboy ???

Sasuke, ll be manning d entrance gate. Bros, anybody wey no bring present, no allow am enter o, (no be charity organisation be dis)
wat else …… *scratches head*
Yess, Ajike shld be seated in d VIP section wit Obama, he has to convince her not to quit blogville. i also want to be notified as soon as Shalewa n Sabira comes in, they have lots of questions to answer.

I fink dats all for now, i dey come, make i go baff. Norrin dey happen


Tuesday, July 8, 2008

My Hair dresser

Hey guys, hope u r all good??? but dis lagos rain is sumn else o, weda these bus drivers and okada riders dey plan with rain, so dem go increase their fare, i nor sabi o, lol
now' I dont joke with my hair in d sense dat i can travel or even trek to ijebu ode to make my hair. it doesn't really matter who, when n how i made it as far as it comes out extra extrafine (n for d rest of d week, na so so compliment upon compliments wit a lil’ bit of toasting i go dey hear, :)

newayz in my quest for 'beauty'(no be say i no fine o) i discovered seyi (not real name). She is light complexioned, not too tall, in her early 20's (i tink) and very skilled in her job (weaving, braiding,tonging, fixing) but seyi likes to do; even when she's on duty. Her strategy... she receives a call on her 4one, tells d client to grant her 5mins to run an errand, but returns 30 mins later, full of explantions wey no get head, most of her customers dont complain b cos they kno she gives dem d best.

But seyi pulled a stunt in front of my korokoro eyes last week sunday, dat has left me numb(till now sef); I had gone to her salon in the afternoon to retouch my hair, i met one of her girls, asked afta seyi n was told she had gone to deliver an urgent message; in my head (indeed), newayz , since i wanted seyi to do it, i sat down to wait, luckily for me, i was d only client. after waiting for long time listening to salon gossip, Seyi dashed into ther salon, sat on one of d chairs, picked up one old magazine lying around, hitched up her skirt n began to fan her kini; It was after she had finished fanning it dat she was saw me,

“ah fine aunty”, she gushed “welcome o, hope say e neva tey wen u come???” me wey still open mouth, na soo i use style close am,

“ehn, i replied, “i neva tey, shey u well so???? i asked “ah norrin do me, mo'wapa”, with dat she stood up, came close to me and asked me wat i wanted to do to my hair, as she reached for my scarf, na so i jump up, carry my kit (nor be me n her, who kno werrin dos hands jus do finish) and walked to where weavons displayed, in my head, i begin plan how to leave the salon, still clutching my kit, i asked for an imaginary weavon,

“seyi”, i said, “i want to fix one weavon like dat, e no too long, no too short, e get small curls, n dem dey tong am,

“wats the name????,' she asked,

“i cant remember, but if i see am , i go kno am”, i replied

“shey na chinese? noble? amigos? diva? nina or bebe curl??”,

“No” i told her, “inshort make i go bring d mag wey i see am, e dey house”.

“Ehen, dat one go good, i dey wait for u'”, she told me.

My pipo na so i carry my two right leg, run comot for there, (una dey laff, if na una nko?? lol) but i'm not happy o, cos i ended up wit one mgbeke-ish looking style like dat :)

Now, i 'm in a dilemma, i want seyi to continue making my hair, but i dont need to see her 'stunts'(there's no telling wat she ll do next). i'm thinking of going there (maybe next week) to confront her about her 'habits' but wat if she takes offence n sees it as poke-nosing; b4 una begin call me 'aproko', i see her as a younger sister, who just needs guidance, Wat do u think??????

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

I dey feel like....

Awon temi, na jeje i dey for my corner o, dey mind my business wey dis 4 musketeers: prisco , ibiluv, tairebabs and buttercup gang up to TAG ME, upon say i get exemption leta from tagging :-) newayz, since its has to do wit music and my oga don comot, make i do now.

The rules:
1. Put Your iTunes/ Music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
4. After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know (hehehehe, dis I like)

So here goes:
Dem mama-timaya
una dey c temptation???? lollll

Fefenefe- Tony teuila ft Tic-tac
aaah!! which kind fefenefe ?? tic-tac, come o i hear say u don relocate to 9ja now, oya come xplain o, loll

True love- Tuface
need i say more????

Close to u- Wande coal ft Dbanj

yess, i nor go lie, i need to be close to - (name withheld) n i dont mind small koboko too, lolllll

No one knos 2mrw-Asa

LMAO haba!!! but no body kno's 2mrw shey????

Let dem say-Nomoreloss

Shege -jaguar!!!!, how dis thing take kno, lolllll

Koleyewon- Eedirs abdulkarem
yesso o, pam pam ti pam pam pam-pamm!! Koleye iwo' nor, lol

Sho like 'e- Jazzman olofin
LMAO!! b4 nko

Ogologoma- Timaya
ohhh!! dis one dey 'tortorri' me for bodi, nothing beats it, i tell u.

*WHAT IS 2+2?
Right here- Tuface
ehen now, abi werrin una tink???

Jailer- Asa

U r still d one- Sunny neji
Ok na!!! Shebi una kno unaa sef .

Adara- Sasha

*sings* Hey, keep
ur head up dont u cry!! U can make it if u try!!, .........(chop mouth)....... ADARA, lollll

Loke – Dbanj

Nuf 'said,

Malaria- soty
Dis one pass me o, lol

Say u believe me- plantation boyz

hehehehe, i believe una na but not everytime o, esp wen una say 'no money' *wide grin*

Roll it- Psquare

yess o, i go soooooo roll am ehn, lollll

Adupe- Tunde & Wunmi Obe

I cast, i bind, i reject, i scata...., how can they be singing 'baba ti'se se o, at my funeral, ???dem nor go cryyyyyyyyyy?????

I no want trouble- Stylplus

hehehehehehehe, dis is wat i always say wen i see person wey fit beat me, lollllll

Loving you everday- faze

Ok, i confess, i confess dat ... dat..... i luv 'peeto',.

You need somebody- faze
sooooo on point guys, u need someone like me, yeah me...., lolllll

I dey feel like- tuface
yessssso i dey feel like........ like...... abeg, werrin i dey feel like sef, lollll
NOW it gives me great pleasure to tag: Scofield/molly lolll i meant
Standtall, Chi-grace, Aphrodite, Ajike n Ejura. No excuses peeps, lolllll

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

*** GOD IS GOOD ***