Monday, February 9, 2009


wey dem? wey dem?? i say wey dem???? :)
Yessooooooooo i m baaccccck!!!! dos of una wey don dey threaten to delete my blog shld ni'suru till i remember my password so i go email to una (aloofa watch dis space) :p
I nor traful o' na my keyboard dey act up, if i type A, na S go appear; if i type R, na G i go see; i complain to our engineer n he say na too much typing, say i don type sotey all d characters don clean finish (i suspect say na fake keyboard) so naim make me say make i teslo for blogville but d keyboard no dissappoint me to carry 1st sha (temite 'ntoii) :p
sooooo wota gwan? wetin i miss?? werrin dey shele?' as in who marry?? who born?? who relocate?? or defecate??? :-) i get plenti plenty gist for una o, d things wey my eyes see' and my ear hear during dis period wey my keyboard go leave, no be small thing, i don compile sum of dem for una enjoyment, so if una don ready..............lets go dia

*OKADA HELMET FALLOUT: When i talk about d gbege wey dis hellmet kini fit cause, sum of una tink say i dey yarn opata, now see as e dey cause confusion everiwhere; according to this gist, one okada man like dat carry passenger for agege, as soon as the passenger (sex unkown) wear the helmet, naim him just change to yam/isu/ji/doya; hmm' no be laffing matter, inshort if any of una dey doubt me, just fix date (any day) and i go carry you go ojokoro police station for agege go see where them put the yam (i nor kno weda na 4 behind counter o) with ur korokoro eyez. u fit even bring camera come so u go get chance snap d yam wit okadaman(ie if dem neva bail dem)
ps: Standtall plz confirm :p

*MAN TURNS TO GOAT: I kno say dis tori no be fresh one esp for dos of us wey dey 9ja but 4 sake of sum oda pple wey neva hear like ...... and ....., dem say sum vigilante pple see 2 men wey wan thief one mazda, naim so dey pursue dem but unfortuntely, one of thief jump fence run, leaving behind d oda man, but as dem rush am, him just face wall' come change into goat/ewu/ewure but the vigilantes no send o, dem just carry the goat (i sure say dem tie him leg sef) go police station where dem lock am; i even hear say the man/goat no dey chop grass at all, say na only water him dey drink, plenty pple don condemn 9ja police for dis mata, say how dem go disgrace us like dis, sotey d tori don waka reach BBC. As for me elgee, i believe d story jare' abi no be 9ja we dey??? and bcos of my luv for 9ja police, i go give dem one strategy wey go helep dem redeem demself (free of charge) and d strategy be say, make the ojokoro police men release the yam make we carry am traful go kwara, go meet the goat, if the goat eat the yam naim be say nothing nothing but if d goat no eat d yam or if d yam eat d goat '(ova to una)

*YARDY'S VACATION: Dis one just dey annoy me bcos i nor kno why sum pple go dey drink alabukun for anoda pessin headache; Oga presido say him wan go 2wks vacation, people begin hala say one thing' one thing, me' i nor undastand oooooooo' abi pessin nor go rest again, d man na president naaa' abi una tink say e easy to be president of 9ja' make una free d man jare, Haba!!! even if him dey seeek' who nor dey seeek???? abegiii lef matta for mathaias; Yardy is our president weda we like it or not and it is God dat put him there (for a reason) so instead of us to continue calling for his head abi na leg, lets pray for him (he needs it); anywey according to nta, him suppose resume work 2day, like i said ko'eazy.

*JJ OKOCHA VS ETIM ESIN: Dis one na one drama wey i go follow till the ending :) according to the gist, jayjay wan host parry for him klub' him come invite him friends including Etim esin as per former colleague levels, but according to gbefilas, as party dey go on' naim small time dem announce say okocha phone dey miss, like play like play, dem begin search everibodi wey come party, na so e reach etim turn, dem search etim soteyyyyyyyy(dem search am sha) dem no see 40ne, during d search 'okocha come land, come rake for the searchers say,' na wetin???? una no dey look face??? una ori'4kasibe??? inshort' him sha apologise to etim well well say, make him no vex o, say na misunderstanding (i even hear say, him find am sumthing) na so d matter die, but the next thing we begin hear be say, Etim don 'employ one lawyer (guess who) to sue jay jay for 100million naira for damages; okocha on the other hand come say, him go sue etim 300 million for suing him *sigh* ndi nkem no be small thing o' as of now, Etim don loss him job for Hitv wey him dey follow analyze premier league matches bcos *whispers* him no gree drop the charges and apologies to okocha. The only thing wey i go talk be say one day 'one day the truth shall prevail

*GOV. FASHOLA NA IBO??: The oda day, i go oshodi to do my hair (why u dey bend face??:p) and say make i use my eyes confirm wetin my ear dey hear say fashola do; Nna mehnn when i land oshodi, e just be like say.......i dey yankee(sum how):p' Everywhere just clearrrrrrrrrrrrr, i even look for my agbero peeps (osama and co) i no see dem, e be like say dem don change base; omo oshodi clear sotey, u fit stand for oshodi see iyana ipaja :) but one thing wey i no gbadu na d pedestrian bridge wey i gats to use with 1million oda people (u sef no fit count dem) to cross to d oda side of d road; d hold up boku sotey, lastma officials dey control pple; u go dey hear' You stay there'; Oya you' move quick'; heyyy go back, go n join d queue; sum of dem even carry okondo :) its all gud jare, we gats to start sumwhere; but ndi nkem, pple sabi spread rumour o; wen i dey make my hair naim i ask my hairdresser say, wetin govt wan use d portion of land wey dem clear do, she come tell say, "Ahhh fashola wan plant flower", for my mind i confuse but i jst say, 'dats good , na so one woman wey dey sell purewater just chook mouth say, "No mind dat omo ibo jare, na flower we go chop??" at dis point i no fit pretend, i just comot my hairdresser hand 4rm my hair' come ask d woman, "madam (:p) abeg repeat wetin u just talk", trust yoruba woman' na so she begin shout, "Sista i tel u, fashola na ibo, i say na omo ibo bcos omo-eko no go dey break break everywhere like dis, go mushin, okoko, obalende' he jst dey pursue pple say, if lagos too hot for u, make u come collect 'transport (N6000) go bac to ur village", omo d woman nearly convince me o' but i no say right 4rm time wey i dey hear fashola, i kno say na 'ofe mmanu but since i no get him gsm to confirm am, na una (yes una) i go ask, mgbo Fashola na 'ajeokuta ma'mumi????? :p
to be continued,


fantasy queen said...

okay heading out to read.

Caelestis Angelus! said...

Kai, FQ and i was going to drop a comment o then i noticed i wasnt signed in and then i had to go sign in before i could drop a comment and when i had done that... you already dropped the first comment. Anyways, i forgive you cos its you lol.

Im second LG and im glad you are back girl. you are too funny.

fantasy queen said...

lmao...trafick control on the pedestrian bridge?

yam behind counter? i thought the goat story was crazy, but this beats it.
maybe they should put they yam with the gaot, if the goat attempts to eat it, then the goat isnt human afterall and they can finally free the poor animal:)

the okacha story pissed me off, that etim watever is just seeking attention, hes never been as celebrated as he feels he should have been *sigh* maybe i should sue both of them 500mil for public disturbance or maybe distration, instead of working i'm discussing their wahahla.

FineBoy Agbero said...

kai! 3rd!!

simplegal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
simplegal said...

haba....see as FBA just chance me now! 4th (at least I'm in top 10) :)

I' happy ur back nwanne...the goat thing tire me; it was on BBCs website for the longest time. Now yam don kuku join too? Only 9ja!

Welcome back!!!

isha said...

HABA! Una no even let the post comot for oven. chei!

fluffycutething said...

LMAO Eko for show...

Na all sorts dey happen for this part of town i tell you ;)

omoh said...

i don't know how true the goat story is.heard it was even in the papers.
how u dey?

Writefreak said...

LG! You update! We thank baba God o, i don dey try send search party for you, na only because me sef no dey blogville for a few days...welcome back my sistah!

You sabi to crack person up sa! lol
I was in lagos last weekend and i was impressed! i passed through Oshodi, was going for a wedding in some faraway place and my cab driver decided to pass through there, i was like, se we no go sleep for Oshodi and he said 'aunty just dey watch'. Fashola i hail you!

And yes i saw all the people wearing 'elements', it was so funny! some dey take hand dey hol am...

If you disappear again LG, you go start to dey see me for your dream

miz-cynic said... many times i call u...u don come o...with all this ur stories...interesting ones sha esp. jayjay and etim esin...etim wan show jayjay say wen football still senior jayjay

LG said...

FQ: yesssooo o4kasibe jare' chop knckles :)

CAELESTIS: aww pele dear' beta luck nex time, infact i go give u xpo :)

FQ: babes d traffic na dye' diff diff shapes, sizes n structure for one bridge haba!!! :)
*as per ur suing, etim n jayjay, add my own 500 million :)

FBA: shior' sidan dia make pant dey wear u :)

SIMPLE GAL: asam pete' werrin dey? of cof na bcos of u i sharply update:)
*hope u r doing well, o'lu kwanu??

ISHA: lolllllllll dearie, norrin do dem at all, how ya side???

MUMMY ABAYOMI: lol babes, i tel u' it can only happen in lagos :)
*howz ma boy??? :)

SHALLY-CATFISH:) omoge u rememba me 2day, i dey jare,na dollar we dey look:)
*how wrk?? wat abt husby?n wifey n baby? hope they r doing well

WRITEFREAK: lollll thank you jare, iyawo' we thank God for everi.... including oshodi n mushin, now babes fit denge pose pass dia any time:)
BTW if i see u 4 my dream eh, ready to take me out :)

MIZCYNIC: hmmm, shakira no be smal thing o' etim say jayjay dey jealous am, jayjay say na etimmmm n all dis million millions for one phone shior'

QMoney said...

guess who's back!!!!!pidgin hard to read wen e plenty like dat ohh,kai!!

Smaragd said...


LG! where did we find u? i've evn 4gotten all the things i want to write sef... lol. i ended up sharing ur blog gist with my colleagues! u are just crazy this girl.

the yam and the goat solution is very correct jare, cuz i am personally tired of the whole thing.

u go do hair for oshodi? ha, LG, i no dey dia o, wetin happen to Seyi?

u should get a job on WAZOBIA FM honestly!

how u dey?

~Sirius~ said...

Ehn!.....Are my eyes deceiving me? * blinking multiple times.
So you finally decided to show up, e kwa?

R u serious about the whole suing back and forth?......Mschew! there's no clean drinking water in etophia and these ones are busy suing themselves up and down.........

....hope you are back for good, keyboard or no keyboard.

Femi B said...

hey blogville don erase my comment..haba..anyway Big ups to Fashola Lagos Igbo gov...

Jaycee said...

The yam and goat stories...LOLLLLL...

"abegiii lef matta for mathaias..." This phrase got me curling up with laughter...muhaha...

Abt JayJay and wa o...this suing business. Anyways, all of dem get money to dey waste like dat!

LOL @ the overhead bridge...LG, you're too funny! Kai!

JideSalu's Diary said...

What's my position again? Well done LG. Nice stories. Took a while as my pidgin is not that fluent but got a very good laugh all the same.

Rita said...

ROTFL....missed ur posts...

my sister, the Oshodi clearing is the talk of the town...

i agree with you on the solution for the "man turns to goat..."


lol! you are too funny.

Now you know I am one of those people that questioned whether or not Presido should be taking a 2 week vacation. Just hope he is back and ready to work hard given the serious economic recession the whole world is experiencing.

So, you can see iyana ipaja from Oshodi now, eh? =) Fashola dey try then!

princesa said...

On Oshodi, all i can say is Up fashola!!!

OluwaDee said...

Wback love.

LG said...

QMONEY: abegiiii make i hia wrd jare' even if i type 1x2x3x4x5x6+1 u go stil complain say na peegin, haba!!!! abeggi go re-read d post again n comment pro'proly jare, if not ehn.......:)

SMARAGD: lollll watz wrong with doing hair for oshodi, abi no be U say make i fashi seyi b4 she put S for my hair????:)
*as per working in wazobia, thank you 'i ll tinks abourit BUT dem go fit PAY me?????? :)

SUSU-BABY :) asa'nwanyi' biko no vex for me o, *to sef* wetin i go take beg her now??? Hamper???? or :)
@okach'etimm' tel dem jare' haba!!
100 million na beans???? *hiss*

FEMI B: yessoooooo norrin do our'Nna Bros BRF at all'
eko oni baje :)
* swerri' how u?? hope u r not missing 9ja too much' :)

JAYCEE: ehen na' lef mata for ....:)
@etimmjayjay's case, babes just lef dem, afta dem sue demself finish, WE go sue dem for :)

JIDE SALU: bros ekabo o' sooo wat can i offer u....goat or yam??? :)
*glad u were able to decode the post:)

RITA: lolll swerri' no wahala naim be say, na two of us go traful go kwara with the yam o, sooo wen ll u be free :)
*howz d family

MUMMY TK: Dearie abegiiiiiiiii free yardy jare, u jst dey come blow grammar for hia :)
@ seeing iyana paja 4rm oshodi' a trial ll convince u :)
*how r my darlings?? enuf jellof' i trust :)

PRISCALIN:) (u kno sabi say as u wan turn millonaire, ur name gats to change :)
*up elgee

OLUWADEEE: aww thanx hon, hope u n urs are doing well'
can i get sum chips, unripe n peppered?? *bats lashes*

anonymous gal said...

ha LG u too u went on AWOL. yeah so it was just a few days but awol is awol

Afrobabe said...

Kai, which kind number I take....not fair, almost every body updated today that I was offline....

lmao @ all the friend and I are stil laughing at the traffic on pedestrian bridge..

Ur keyboard get wahala but na u dey take first...

seamstress said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
seamstress said...

hahahaha..this is too funny. Nice blog.

Jarrai said... will not kill me oo...lmao!!

So what happened to the man-goat? i can't believe they arrested a whole goat...hope they don't make goat pepper soup out of him!!! LOL

Anonymous said...

Iyale - so glad you have decided to update us o. How body? Na wa for all dis Naija gists o. Fashola na omo ibo ke? Me I dont know about that o. Hope the keyboard is acting better now.

mizchif said...

Hmmmm, yam plus goat is seriously making me think of some delicious yam peppersoup (with "uda") with goat meat.
Kai, make i no go chop am 4 dream dis nite.

As 4 dat Esim watshisface, i can see he's jus looking 4 cheap publicity! Mschewwwwwwwww!

Original Mgbeke said...

You don finally update. Abeg LG, no kill me with laugh. I see that goat tori for BBC, I just shake head. See the kain news wey BBC dey report sef.
As for that Yam, e be laik say Hunder never waya man pikin 'cos if na me na correct fried yam wey I for carry that one make.

Ms.O said...

LMAOOO!!!!!!! this gist just made my day OMG!!! LOL at the jayjay and etim gist and Double Lol at the yam and goat story!

Kafo said...

i am laughing tooooooo much ooh

i love it
esp. in pidgin
the story about the goat

na wa o

LG said...

ANONYMOUS GAL: babes abegii' no just compare us o' me i go Awol while u go AWOLO 'u c d difference :)
*hope u r doing well

AFROBABY: haba!!! babes' u cant always be 1st naa :)
@pple trafic: u nid to see me dey speak english' pls take it eazy, take it eazy, dont push too hard :) dem still no send me'

SEAMSTRESS: thanx dear' n welcome to my blog; hope u ll be back tho:)

JARRAI: yesso dearie' u have a point dia'dat goat nids 24hrs security o' u can neva tel wat pple might do :)
*hope u r doing well'

IYWAO'TUNTUN: hmm' no mind dos market women wey dey find wrd for pple mouth' how fashola go be ibo' dats impossicant na:)
*hope fba is taking care :)

MIZCHIF-OMO-IBO: lol longathroat'
i don kukuma dey suspect u, If dat goat or yam gets u :)
@okocha/etimm: cheap publicity indeed

ORIGINAL MGBEKE: lollll dearie' even u too' thank God say u and mizchif no dey 9ja :)
*nwanyi oma' norrin do u

MS.O: welcome dearie' its been a while' whenever i see dat ur id i always rememba O noodles :)

KAFO: itsalie!!! egbon so u undastand peegin? naim be say na u go dey coach qmoney for me :)

doll said...

nice update
LMAO@ Going to osodi to do hair?????

AlooFar said...

see who has turned into a newreporter!

are you really daring me?

AlooFar said...

see who has turned into a newreporter!

are you really daring me?

StandTall-The Activist said...

Your computer don revoke cuz your pidgin too much for ram.

Tell me, u dey work for WAZOBIA FM? I am yet to see the difference btw how dem they take broadcast dem news and this gbege wey you pull...

You too much!

bumight said...

u fit take picture of oshodi come show me, cos now i dey very curious?

how na, my ex-iyale?

Afrobabe said...

Yeah, I second Bumight...I need a pic..

LG said...

DOLL: ahh omoge' oshodi is where d action is @' if u see my 'half-aaliyah' u sef go ask me to give u my hairdresser gsm number :)

ALOOFAR: i dare u, i double dare u, i triple dare u, infact i even
4ple dare u :)
try am n watch fba show u his ojuelegba skillz :)

STAND-TALL: itsalie!!!! see mummy garfield n peegin, but wait o' swerri did u actually type dat 'gbege' ursef or u copy n paste my own?? :)

BUMIGHT: yesssooo ex-iyawo' how far??? hope say u neva 4get dat nylon of iru and ewedu wey u leave for our kitchen :)
@oshodi pics' lol nawa 4 u o' instead of u to say u wan c my fine hair :) neways ll see wat i can do

AFROBABY: gbefila' na my hair style i go upload :)
*seriuosly' i tot of taking shots but didnt kno if dos okondo- holding-lastma-officials will allow me :) but i go try nex time

Dee! said...

LG oyoyo! Welcome back!

My sista I no wan know whether Fashola na ibo man or not! The most important thing be say the guy de work well well for Lasgidi!

How far na?

For the love of me said...

LMHO, LG you are just unbelievable.
Welcome back.

Olamild said...

I have heard all these stories from my cousin. Your own version na waya o

chioma said...!welcome back!

SHE said...

Na wa for di pipu wey dey give our president trouble o! haba! se because di man tell u say e wan go vacation. if e siddon for office carry leg put on top table nko? wetin you wan do am?
and dis Okocha with Etim. see wetin dey happen wen pipu no get work? to say dem dey behind counter for bank, 24/7 dey ansa customer, dem for seee time sue diasef?
If man turn to goat, y we no kill am, see weda he go turn back or not?

LG said...

DEE: lolllllll thanx hon but i no buy biscuit o:)
yesssso BRF is rily tryin for lagos o (seyi's version)
* nne i full ground brekete, howz wrk? n family? n one-dresser?:)

FOR THE LOVE OF ME: lolll babes u beta believe it o :)
*hope u r doing well

OLAMILD: hmm na waya but u no answer dat 'question :)
*how u? any plan 4 d vals :)

CHIOMA: thanx dear' elgeee's bac for good
*hope u n urs are doing well

SHE: buhahahahahahaha@..siddon for office carry leg put on top table nko? ' sorry no be laffin matter o; dem just dey tasi d man left rite centre 'Wetin!!:)
@man-goat' now dats anoda gud strategy' ll spread d wrd :)

LusciousRon said...

LG you shall not kill me. This is a very nice comeback story. You are forgiven for your absence.

O boy I laff sotey everybodi wey dey here dey check my temoerature if i dey alryt.

musco said...

ve u ever thought of starting a magazine?

thanks 4 stopping by!

Kabi-Osi Edumare said...

orie 4kasibe
Fashola is the truth...gosh have a crush on him
Etim is still prolly on drugs.

Sting said...

LOL....u crack me the hell up. Esp about the person who changed into ji. Chineke. U sef, where u for hear that gist?

LG said...

EKNOR:lollllll thank you for 4giving me :)
*howz d hand?

MUSCO: hmmm magazine for blogville or ... :)
*hope u ve started receiving those calls

KABI-OSI EDUMARE: lollll@ etim on drugssss paracetamol or ?? :)n yep BRF is IT
*howz d goings

STING: babes na ezigbo te jio :)
*as per the gist...i'm not supposed to reveal my source (winks)

Jinta said...

so much energy. glad you're back.

jay-jay and etim are just a couple of twits done good in football, that's why they're getting excited.

i wonder if they will put traffic lights to control pedestrians on the bridge? lol

Buttercup said...

people turned into a goat and a, i cudnt help cracking up!

lmao @ the yam eating the goat..hahahahahahahaha!

aunty lg, hope ur keyboard dey ok now? make im mind imself o!

Woomie O! said...

LG my baybay!

Omo dat oshodi gist na true o, LASTMA guys dey take that bridge dey catch trips, dem go dey caress yansh and breast, 'ooya you wait, no no, you move', 'one by one'. Make I no see the thing wey go carry me go climb that bridge in the name of God the father, son and Holy spirit.

As for the person wey wear helmet n turn to yam, make dem do quick share the yam, I bin won chop yam, e don teeey!

Even goat sef, I need eerm, wetin be the name again? Nkwobi? Make I chop. Darn policemen.

JayJay and Etim, na too much money dey samma their head, I be lawyer o! Make dem come request my services abeg.

Yaddy wan go vacation, eh hen?! Na today?!!!

Fashola na ibo ke??? E ma gbe yen wa o!

Ori gbogbo won ti 4kasibe.
Rumor mongers...including you o! afterall, d tin no happen for ur korokoro eyes,abi?

How life now?

Aphrodite said...

lol@the woman wey talk say Fashola na Ibo.

where us she from sef?

LG u no ask?

LG said...

JINJIN: lollllllllll at pedestrian traffic lite' abeg no let lastma consida am o :)
*happy vals

BUTTERCUP: lolllll b4 nko, abi u don 4get say 'yam na goat best food?' :)
* no mind d keyboard jare, but i don deliva ur message sha :)

WOOMIE: ehnnnnnnnn for my haus?? naim u dey call me fish monger abi wetin?? omoge no try me o, who sabi sef weda u dat yam/goat stil dey safe :)
*i full ground brekete, howz d goings??

APHRODITE: nne' so if na u ' u go ask question??? hmmm' when i hia wetin pass me' i gats to maintain like say me n BRF sabi ourselves 4rm ihiala :)
*how u u u:) happy vals
*make sure u have fun o' i no wan say sumthing do sumthing :)

Enkay said...

You are so funny. Interesting stories.

I actually saw the 'human traffic' on that bridge just this past Sunday for the first time and I was like "What?"

It was later I found out that the rail lines under the bridge had been barricaded by barbed wire and all. Fashola dey try well well.

Firs time here! Hope you update soon cos I enjoyed reading!

wordmerchant said...

i have come out or hiding but have changed url and name, swing by when u can

Jarrai-gambian girl

littleangel4christ said...

Fashola omo Ibo ke?
Na ur version of dis tori(s) I take like pass!
Hw life na?
lmao @ traffic control on pedestrian bridge, and say u fit see iyana ipaja...on some serious tins.

darkelcee said...

Welcome back girl

but this ur pidgin na wa. please make i come for training?

Fashola Igbo? for where? lol peopleeeeee. fake gist.

Oshodi is like a park now oh. very nice. by the time the flowers will grow for their. it will turn to wedding

JideSalu's Diary said...

Haba LG,

u never update?

Parakeet said...

Lol lol...LG you wan break my ribs?

Vera Ezimora said...


Turned to yam ke? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Naijalines said...

You dis girl, na wa o. Na so u dey oppress us with pidgin flow. I no fit follow o.

AnyaPosh said...

WOW...ok, 1st of, I don't understand this your pidgin. like it's on another kentro level. Seriously! I thought you were speaking yoruba for a while there but damn gurl. This is something else. And yea, I read that goat story somewhere....pretty ridiculous. Only in 9ja...kai.

Tairebabs said...

LG luv how r u doing? 9jar people don mad finish. Now I can see what I have been missing. Humm, the okada voodo no bi small thing o. I think I read about the goat gist someone. Arresting goat? 9jar police no get work. Yardy? I love that expression o, makes the old presido sound young.

Etim and Okocha gist na wa, I will sue u for suing me. lol. but the whole searching thing sha was going too far now.

Ibo fashola...i can only laugh at that one o!

Writefreak said...

My sister, how you dey? hope all dey well, e don tey wey we see you for our side o!

Buttercup said...

aunty ni bo le wa o???

Shubby Doo said...

LG me i don miss you sha...if i go comment for post i go write...continue with the jist you fit leave us with TBC...haba

KAM BABY said...

I'm still lol-ing at the yam story. Is that really true? I'm hearing it for the first time. About the goat, i doubt if it's human. Mbanuuu! Fashola aburo onye ibo oh! If he were, he wuldnt use that money to plant flowers. He'll have other plans for it. Lol.