Friday, March 13, 2009

TGIF: did u see my phone???

James (my colleague) got to the office this morning in his jeans and prada top, 30mins later he realized he couldnt find his phone; he came to my office n the following conversation ensued;
James: o baby, nawa o' i no see my 4one again
Lg: how manage?? u sure say u no leave am 4 haus?????
James: No, i even use am receive call for cms b4 i enta bus
Lg: Cee gini???
James: cms naa!
Lg: *grinning* aaaaaah no wonda, i see ur 4one jare
James: *amazed* you sure?? for where?????
Lg: for cms naa
James: *smiling* thank very much, where 4 cms???
Lg: you kno dat place where dem dey enter 'ajah bus, e get one lonnnnnnnnng pole wey dey dia, na on top d pole i see ur 4one
James: *doubtful* El'gee u sure?????
Lg: ofcof!! infact d 4one just dey dia dey cry' 'james o jamess oo but i nor kno say na ur 'james' be dat; pele o.

*shior* yeye dey smell, who nor sabi say dem no dey bring out 4one for cms? (esp when u wan drag enter public transport) boyoyo no soji at all Haba!!! *shakes head* d phone don enta voice-mail, but if him dey lucky, dem fit re-sell am 4 am for under bridge for 5k (d 40ne is worth 30bay). He was my 2nd colleague dat had his phone stolen at cms, the other guy got to the office with a new green ear piece (e resemble xmas lite) minus d blackberry he bought 2wks ago (dat one' pesin go begin dey speak patua:-)

I remember the first time my 4one was stolen/borrowed, it was 'may 29 2007 during the inauguration of d present lagos state governor (BRF) at tafawa balewa square, i was on my way to ikoyi with a male friend to drop my cv wit one of his other male friend; since the day (aka black tuesday) had being declared a public holiday, we decided to go thru cms (thinking d road wld be free of traffic; By the time we got to race course the ceremony had already ended and many AC supporters (garbed in the inaugural ankara) were trooping out, we were stil discussing the loss of DPA's jimi agbaje when they started robbing vehicles on the road, when it got to our turn, the boy just carry my bag begin dey go...... WETIN??????? na so i begin shout, 'my cv, my cv! he took my ceevee!! ' My fear fear friend held my hand and told me not to worry, FOR WHERE???? na so i begin the open door, nee jst grabbed me, begin beg me say 'lg abeg o, abi u wan die??? dat boy don smoke igbo' him even carry gun' EHEN??? 'make him collect d money, drop my bag na', my cries fell on deaf ears as he held on to me tight till they all left (others brandishing knives n all even came to re-check if they had 4gotten to take sumn'till date i still cringe wherever i m in dat vicinity.
PS: The next day 'nee replaced everything including MY CV:-)
PSS: Bros Fash, if you are reading dis, u still owe me a brand new NOKIA ----- (make i no lie' na nokia 2650 :-)

The 2nd time was also in a car, i was with dangote' at harbour works bustop along ikorodu road; there was traffic (as usual) the next thing we heard a loud noise close to d car, looked out n saw a young man pointing to the tyres, thinking the tyres had burst' dangote wind down And we saw ourselves looking at a black/brown/red/blue thing (maybe na biro/spanner/plier but we no need confirmation, we just surrender our 4ones (d only thing he asked for) if una see as dangote dey shiver????? u rememba dat 'shan george/orange drug advert' dat shaky shaky daddy one, yelz' na so :-)
PS: This one happened few days after 'nee replaced the first 4one

The 3rd time was at *drum roll* OSHODI, lets just say i walked into a ram-fight and the rest like they say in oyinbo film is history :-) but eyin temi after dos hypertension-threatening incidents (and seriessssss of prayas and fastn) i don dey shine my eyez like scofield' (esp when i dey dos area wey omo boiz dey run things) i carry my 4one in a pouch, infact let me give u a HINT on how to recognize me (woomie hope u r reading); look out for a fine yellow chic sporting a 'gallas and ALWAYS wearing a black pouch on her wrist at #%#% every morning by 9.00 am or 5 ' o clock in the evening.
PS: If una go harass innocent pesin wey tanda him own for bustop.........'you are on ur own o :-)


If YOU have already voted but DIDNT vote for LADYGUIDE, u berra go to a cafe NOW n correct ur MISTAKE; forget fba's threats, na today?????? e don tey wey nyansh get centre-parting jare, NORRIN DEY HAPPEN !!!!

Have a fabulous w'end


Qube The Wordsmith said...

Na today yansh get centre partin?? LMAO
Rememba wen d "owners" of my former fone came for it back in bitched slapped wiv a cutlass...wasn't funi!!

LG said...

sorry bros U CANT BE 1STTT
(wait till i put finishing touches to d post:-)
*Congrats jare :-)

LG said...

n wit cutlass ke???? omo how e be dem???? :-)
*pele hope dem no injure u

fantasy queen said...

i'm sure i'd strangle u if i were james:)

Afrobabe said...

Ha, that James found ur jokes funny?? I for kil you oh...30k fon dey miss u dey talk long thing...mchewww.

Writefreak said...

LG na only you fit get this kain tori but that your colleague mumu small o, he actually believed you? My phones have been stolen on the road before, e no funny but the time wey dem wan steal am inside car, i no gree o! na that day i know say i get boldness!

Infact na 4th i be seeing as LG herself don leave comment!

Anonymous said...

Only you 3 times? Dem boys must like your face gan. Have a fab weekend too

LusciousRon said...

No mind this blogger he dey give me url addy.

ibiluv said...

Lg no mind the guy

tell am to buy new fone
and go try it for Orile
cos Oshodi don clear!!!!!!!!!!!

fluffycutething said...

I just cannot stop laughing biko!!!!

SHE said...

What? Only you, three times? You offend dia papa?

To say na me be James, I for nearly take annoyance beat you.

very funny though. his phone on a pole at CMS. LOL!!!

rayo said...

elenu fife! if pesin slap me 4 busstop i go send my boys afta u oh! lol @ d blackberryless earphones. eeyah

Femi B said...

Lol, wow but i heard that FAshola has chased all those thieves to Ibadan now. No more thieves in Lagos anymore

Woomie O! said...

I saw James' fone o!!!
Na me pick am for CMS, I don drop am for Leventis!!! Make e go there go ask for BoboDeyCraze or 0neBlowSevenDie or Ajigijagger, na three of them dey there wen I drop am, but advise him to wear bulletproof vest o!
LG, you no go step down for FBA!!???!!! the curses wey im deposit dey fear me o!! Abeg o!!! You know say im get BabaOrisha's direct line???
No be only yansh get centre parting, even breast get sef!!! But e be like say some people wey no know dem bra size dey get Side Parting!!!

wordmerchant said...

LOL!!! James should knock your head lg

"lol@guy got to the office with a new green ear piece (e resemble xmas lite) minus d blackberry he bought 2wks ago (dat one' pesin go begin dey speak patua:-)" are wicked...heheheheheh

Omotee! said...

"na today nyash get centre parting"! LMAO!!!!

dat ur colleague no be mumu o, d thing wey im be pass mumu, na mooomooo!

RocNaija said...

KAI!! So you no even see sim card collect?! Long thing...
No be today yansh dey back and toto dey front...
I hia you sis!

Anonymous said...

Oh Gosh. 3 times. DAMN! I dont mind robbers, but I loath getting robbed! It be like say Omo should sit her ass down for hia o. U no fit win o, na my husband go win am!

Kafo said...

stealing phones
just fapping people phones
na wa o

Dammy said...

E ya! Only you? Three times? na weekly, monthly or yearly contribution? Lol!

Once bitten, twice shy but what if one is bitten thrice?

Pele dear.

Thanks for checking on me. Have a beautiful weekend.

LG said...

FQ....loll me n 'yames pass don dat level o :-)
*lov'ly w'end

AFRO....i.e if sum one dosent buy it for 1k :-)
BTW: have u performed ur 'blogger duties' at ..erm... afro u kno naa (scratch my back n.... :-)

WRITEFREAK: ehennn see yames bond o :)dearie come n give me tips jare, it might come in handy *winks*
howz Oga??

EKNOR... omo babe' u dey flatter me or ???? :-)
*no mind blogger jare' e dey 'him bodi :-)

IBILUV.... buhahahahahahahahaha bad gal'hold on make i give u him #no make u tel am by yasef :)
*dearie' otojo'merin' bawo'ishe??

MUMMY AYOBAMI....make i join u :-) :-) :-) :-)
*howz ma boy??? wen him go start school sef? :)

SHE....@You offend dia papa?Babes' helep me ask dem o??? MGBO i ofend una pale??? :)
*how ya side

RAYO: Imagine!!! agbero wife dey threaten agbero wife??? :-)
*how r ur xams,shebi u kno... i xpect nothing less da distinction o :-)

FEMI B: dearie' na true say BRF done pursue dem, but u kno say 'thieffery get grade' e get d ones wey go come ur haus just to 'wack', e get d ones wey dey thief clothes wey dem dry for outside, e get d ones wey...... :-)
*hope u r doing well, howz popsy?

WOOMIE: buhahahahahahahahahahaha area i hail o'
e don tey wey i hia ajigijagger o (d spelling sefna die :-)
*u too berra vote for me b4 ur breast n nyansh get side-parting

LG said...

JARRAI....lollllll babes d strange thing is dat no one knows how to use the earpiece, i strongly suspect it 'xmas tree lite they coupled togeda n put in his pocket :-)
*howz d diet coming on

OMOTEE'BABY.... lollll dearie but u harsh o *whispers* yames read dis blog o (dat means u r on ur own :-)
*hope u get my UPDATE message

ROC9JA.....i get mouth ask for sim card??? :-)
@##^%#&# come interpret am by yase :-)
*njoy ur w'end

TEMITE: o gal ' i go justttt 'slap u now (Why u dey dodge???? i say a me go WIN!!! abi u wan bet???? :-)

KAFO... u can say dat again bro'
*its been a while hope u r doing well

DAMMY.... lolllll@contribution' i reject it IJN (amen)

Lolia said...

lol this LG so you feel like you've got jokes abi? :)

Funnily enough, I've never had a phone of mine stolen...I always end up changing them...

Have a wonderful weekend :)

Anonymous said...

ha! I remember "mommy, daddy is shaking....shaky shaky daddy"

maybe I will get rope, and you can tie your phone to your waist. when the "borrowers" come.....we will tell them to come to the "yard"

Bibi said...

you mean. i be think say you really see the guy fone o. but na true you talk. even me when nor be lagosian know say them nor dey pick up fone for cms. FIRST TIMER

mizchif said...

LG, u wan take laff kill me abi!

I can't evenmentiond number of times wey dem don tiff my fone and one of dem na fellowship anoda one na church bazzar. I don't miss those days at all.

As per voting consign.....scratch my back......
I don talk my own!

~Sirius~ said...

Lg....will ever be

Only you how many times????

Shubby Doo said...

my sista i dey o! everytime i wan visit your side, show face...blogger no go let me drop comment...i try sotai i tire...

not so suprised about the oshodi one but u lost 3 phones like that?...darn!!!...

LG said...

LOILA:lollll swerie no be like dat o' i was only tryin to em...em... xplain dat...erm :-)
*hope u r doing fine

9JAGIRL: babes chop knuckle jare' i dey gbadu u But my question be say, 'which kind rope??? sewing rope, plaiting rope or fetching bucket rope?? :-)
*njoy ur w'end

BIBI: lollll abi o my sistah, but like i told james...better luck nex time :-)
*thanx for stopping by, i xpect more visits tho'

MIZCHIF: nne wen u laff finish..... GO vote for me :-)
* so dem don gbab ur fone 4 church b4' why u no s'epe for dem :-)

SUSU: lol babes me sef no gree understand am
*hope u r doing well,
BTW ele oha top'm

SHUBYDOO: babes no mind blogger jare' *whispers* e dey him bodi :-)
as per d fones, i belief say dem send dem :-)*hope u r doing well

Naughty Eyes said...

Babe, thanks well well as you dey waka (pass) my blogs oh! I suppose take you out (again).
I don dey "fote" for you tire!!!
So FBA think say him juju pass my own eh? Check out this link: make you see all the people wey go win the award finish.
Make I go read this post now now.
I lof u!

Aphrodite said...

Ha ha ha haha...
You no serious at all...
If i be James, u for buy me new fone o cos i no go gree,lol...

I came close to having my phone stolen once but I use sharp babe sense for the Olosis...

I don vote u o, oya go retaliate:)

Smaragd said...

"e don tey wey yansh dey get center parting!" seriously? seriously LG?!

i'm tired of u, as in " apa mi ti jabo" (my hands have fallen off)

i've never been robbed of my phone, (i hope i'm not speaking too soon, it's God's grace o).

but u should've shown small sympathy for the colleague na! lmao

Anonymous said...

u never fail to make me laugh.
when i visited naija, i used to leave my phone lying on the dashboard in the car until my uncle reminded me of where I was. Luckily, nothing happened.

StandTall-The Activist said...

Hmmm.... Hope you get that Nokia phone that bros. He get choice?

FBA don threaten everyone o. (lol)

THIRTY + said...

You and this your pidgin, have I told you something ....LG. I need to concentrate hard to get the gist sometimes.

Anyways 3 phones you alone, infact you need to collect award for that.

LG said...

NAUGHTY EYES: my dorling thank you jare' no mind 'fba'he nor kno say his ojuelegba skills don dey rusty :-)
BTW u rily gats to take me out

APHRODITE: lolll asam pete' norrin do u u n believe me wen i say na ur get dat award , abi dem get choice???? :-)

SMARAGD: *picks up smargd's hand* eyaaa pele dearie' oya take join am back :-)
*no mind james jare' i don contribute sha :-)

IWALEWA: impossicant!! babes u deserve award o
abeg tel me ur secret :-)
*its been a while' hope u r doing well

STANDTALL: lollll no yet' but na BRF go replace am :-)
BTW if u no vote for me' molly, scofield n garfield go relocate to my haus immediately, no say i no warn u o :-)

30+: abi o my sistah ' infact na 3 awards i deserve sef :-)
@ peegin, for ur sake i ll try to tone it down,

shally said...

that ur james guy mumu,na so peson dey mumu reach?he actually chopped ur lie?he supposed get award 4 the most mumu-issh of all mumus.

3 attacks,only u?awon boiz must really like u oh!

eh,anty,u've been tagged oh!she u won delete my blog,i don update.oya,go read am now now b4 i show my red eye.

LG said...

SHALLY CATFISH: lolll Babes as u don beg me wit style' i no go delete am, shebi u don happy now? :-)
as per the tag.......... i no do any tagging unless u show me ur voters card :-)
*howz husby, wifey n baby

Olufunke said...

Na wa for you o.....see as you take your collegue do 'jangorova-epo-moto'
and you are really experienced with this phone stealing o!
My phone has been stolen before too at gun point for traffic.
God would deliver us o!

You and this your pidgin .........
is there award for best pidgin blogger :-)

joicee said...

I sure can remeber that Shan george shaky,shaky daddy advert.

It seems stealing phones in Nigeria is a lucrative business

Lol @ walking around with your phone in a pouch

LG said...

OLUFUNKE:lollll@ 'jangorova-epo-moto'
omoge e don tey wey i hia dat song o :-)
@ being xperience wit fone stealing' u can say dat again dear' me n awon boiz don come to an understanding :-)
*bawo ishe????
BTW thanks for the AWARD dear' i rilllly apreciate it :-)

JOICEE:dearie' stealing 4ones is more than lucrative' as i'm typing dis, James has already replaced his 4one (dat was stolen friday morning) now imagine wat wld happen if he pass thru cms 2mrw morning without 'shinning his eyez??? :-)
*hope u r gud' njoy ur week

Tigeress said...

lol@ the way u were messing with the James dude.

As for all the ways your phone has been stoeln- thats just gangsta. there really isnt any point having a nice phone in Naija then.

Original Mgbeke said...

LMAOOOO. LG don kill me o, you wan make peeps dey harrass random yellow chicks for bustop ehn?
LOL @ you telling James say you see hin phone for on top pole. Nna ehn this phone tiffing business no get part 2 o.
Na im I dey watch Night of a Thousand laffs and comedian; I go die tok say there be certain areas for Warri wey if a phone ring you go dey hide to answer am. LMAO too tooo funny.

How you dey na?

Buttercup said...

looooooooooool lg!!!!! gosh! thanks for the laughs mehn!!!!!!

how u dey???

Omo calabar. said...

u truly crack me up. Lol

Tigeress said...

Actually, i have been here before. :)

AnyaPosh said...

this babe I like you o! see how u dey blast this pidgin. I hail you, you too much. Kai!