Wednesday, March 18, 2009

only in 9ja....

original mgbeks formulated it, afro merixed it, dis is my version;
Funny, weird yet amazing things dat can only be associated with 9geria/9gerians :-

Everyone is a copy-cat e.g this post :-)
* LASTMA is more dreaded than the 9gerian police
* Our lawmakers are the 1st law breakers; need examples??? :-)
* Man-no-die' man-no-rotten mentality (go look for interpreter :-)
* Politics is a do or die affair (ts self xplanatory)
* Every flying cockroach /wall gecko is a monitoring spirit
* 5 out of every 15 civillian have been harrased by a conductor/police
* If u are xceptionally beautiful, u are a mammywater or ogbanje
* 9gerians no dey fear face; last wk president yardy's convoy was attacked in jos (a whole presido)
* Everything is jazz related; (u get wrk na jazz, u marry na jazz, u get money na jazz, u no get money na ..... : -)
* There is a generator, recharge card seller, mallam on every street
* Almost everyone have climbed okada n drank pure water (i said' almost o :-)
* Single mothers r bad market; single fathers r xempted (very pathetic)
* Almost all 9ja songs has a razz word eg faayaa, koko, kentro, kolo, maga, shayo, ja'wonsi, 4kasibe (my fav)
* African-time' has gotten a new meaning; i went for a function dat was supposed to start by 9am, 6hrs later......nathing
* Some car owners want to be regarded as a bigz boy/girl; i kno a broda dat stay in a one room 'face- me- i- slap-you', shares d toilet with 15 oda tenants, queues 2 fetch water 4rm d well but maintains a tear-rubber honda baby-boy (i suspect say him own' na jazz :p
* What goes up, neva comes down; b4 b4 sweets were being sold for 1 naira (now 2 for 5naira) coke was 25naira (now 60-100naira) a gallon of kerosene was formerly 60naira (now 480/600 naira), Ajegunle to CMS formerly 30naira; now 100naira
* Flashing' is on a kentro level; somebody wld flash you' say like.....10times, only for u to cal n they ll say, 'i just say make i greet u' or a strange voice ll ask, 'ta'lon soro???? :-)

These r all i cld come up wit for now, wat r urs???????

PS: Congrats to Arsenal football club una try sha, but if una fit beat chelsea(again), i promise all of una one house each 4 lekki :-)
norrin do una!!


wordmerchant said...


brownskinaijachic said...

lol funny post.. i cant think of any now, ll be bac

wordmerchant said...

lol @ every flying cockroach /wall gecko is a monitoring spirit

What about black my country a black cat is most definately lucifer and his legions incarnet. People are so funny!

I had a black cat as a pet while growing up, and children being children, i was having a "lying competion" with a friend !!!! I told her that my cat was infact my long lost grandma just to freak her out, she told the whole neighbourhood.!! my mum beat me

~Sirius~ said...

Wordmerchant from where?!

~Sirius~ said...

every flying cockroach /wall gecko is a monitoring spirit- Fall Down and Die!!!

*some car owners want to be regarded as a big boy/girl eg i kno a broda dat stay in a one-room 'face me i slap u, shares d toilet with 15 oda tenants, queues to fetch water 4rm the well but maintains a tear-rubber honda baby-boy (i believe say him own' na jazz :-)

O-M-G! for real?!.....'tis not by force o!
Hmmm LG what kind of flashers are!

LG said...

JARRAI.....lollllll@ "lying competion" babes even u sef???? *whispers* i used to tel my class mates dat my dad is a bigggggg rich man n dat he travels abroad every fri n comes bac on sunday', the funny thing is dat they all believed me :-)
*loll@ momsy beating u, but i no blame her sha, its her mom were r talking abt here :-)

BLACKSKIN9JACHIC....ll definitely reserve a seat for u :-)
*welcome to my blog

SUSU....lolll@..Fall Down and Die!!! nne biko not on dis blog o :-)
@face me i slap u broda' but seriously, u nor tink say na jazz??? haba!!! :-)

cerberus said...

senora, you have us thinking hard


Aphrodite said...

E weeee..
Me...first ten for ur blog,LG?

Chineke i din ma o....i din

That flashing one dey vex me well well...
You go waste ur credit only to dey hear some funny language.
Now i dont bother calling back sef...

Naijadude said...

lol quite funny comments about Nigeria eh!!

A bottle of coke for 60 naira?? wtf??

brownskinaijachic said...

Thanks.. i just thot of one "almost" everybody wants to be a G boy/girl (the yahoo thing)

Femi B said...

I feel you on the single mother too. its so annoying

HOw about anyone who can't get pregnant first 9 months of marriage has had an abortion

people calling computers system and cell phones GSM or handset..eww
if i think up more i'd come now?

LG said...

CERBERUS....lets try n make it a bit easier' wats d 1st thing u tink of wen u hear' 9ja????

APHRODITE....loll@Chineke i din ma o....i din ma' nne no go happy 2much o' i deleted mamy mannyy comments b4 u arrived :-)
as per dos scoin scoin flashers, if to say pesin fit give anoda pesin abara via fone' e for make life eazy :-)
*how u

9JADUDE...coke for 60bucks is 'aboki price o its definitely more than dat at sum shops
*welcome to my blog

BROWNSKIN9JACHIC...lollll@"almost" everybody wants to be a G boy/girl (the yahoo thing)
dearie i hope its not the same yahoo-yahoo boys runz :-)

FEMI B....*sigh* babes dat one no be today talk; my friend's name has changed 4rm 'teetee' to 'after-one'' jst bcos she had a child out of wedlock sm yrs back
its crazzy!
@call handset..gsm' i tink all 9gerians(ok may not all)are guilty of dat :-)
*mo wa pa, bawo'ishe??

Just...Toluwa said...

start getting those houses ready o! cos Arsenal's gonna whoop ur ass again!

LG said...

TOLUWA.......buhahahahahahaha dearie u mean chelsea's ass(es):-)
*neva knew u were a 'Gunner' as well
norrin do us :-)

doll said...

LMAO @ every street has a mallam, recharge seller and effing true

aloted said...

lol...i cant shout...

here's one- u can do your whole shopping in lagos traffic.

lol....naija for show!

Sting said...

LOL @ monitoring spirit. That made me laugh so hard. I been dey forget my church phrases. Oh lord.

Danny Bagucci said...

LOL... But everything na jazz now? No be so?

LG said...

DOLL....u seee' its not longer generator But 'gen :-)
*babes its been a while o' how u?

ALOTED.... lolllll now why didnt i tink of dat :-)
*dearie' how u, husby n daddy? hope he's better now

STING....omoge no be small thing o, *whispers* u need to see my sis with broom' wey she dey use fight karate with alangba 4 haus :-)

DANNY BAGUCCI...... lolll its not impossicant!!
i even dey suspect say 'blogger dey jazz us sumtimes :-)
*hope u r doing well

SHE said...

How about, almost every lady carries slippers to work apart from their normal shoes, whether they drive or not?

cerberus said...

Ahh Senora Guide much easier:

O: i would say "Ghana Must Go"

M: Only in 9ja do Okadas buzz like flies with no manners.

My:Unfortunately has no opinion.


BSNC said...

yea i mean the yahoo yahoo... if u sneeze when u ve no allergy or cold it means someone is calling ur name, if a dog barks when there is no one around he just saw a ghost and there is this other one about whistling in the night, cant remember now...

joicee said...

Girl you nailed with all these points.

So Presido Yardy convoy got attacked...Nigerians no dey fear face at all.

Writefreak said...

Naija for life! I'm nodding all the way! The jazz one na serious mata!
You can cook a whole meal in Lagos traffic sef to buttress what aloted said....and Gbenga Adeyinka don prove stove, buy pepper, buy make i continue? lol

LG said...

SHE.........lollllllll babes dem send u????
suffice it to say, I M GUITY OF DIS OFFENCE, but in ma case na slippon i dey carry not slippers :}
*how u?

CERBERUS.......yessso wat can 9gerians do without 'ghana must go bags'??? i'm sure EVERY household has dem, n d one abt the okada /flies is soo true, esp dos lekki abokis

BSNS....@wen sneeze, sumone is calling ur name, wat abt if ur right palm or is it d laeft palm continues to itch u...u shld be xpecting a huge sum of money, i cal dat one OLE!!! :}

JOICEE...... ahn swerri no be small ting o, i even hear say dem don set up committee {as usual} to look into am, tank God say dem no injure d man sha

WRITEFREAK....lollll@buy stove, buy pepper, buy meat... 'onions nko???? babes lagos traffic now dey tie wrapper come wear gele to match :}
*how ya side

Vera Ezimora said...

Hahahahahahahaha. Babe, that was tew funny!! But ehm, wetin 4kasibe mean? E get one song wey I bin hear am oh, but I no sabi the meaning. Abeg, teach a sistuh

bumight said...

yels o! everything is jazz or monitoring spirit, lol!

Afrobabe said...

coke is 60 to 100 naira?????

You sure say I no go stay here jejely?

Bibi said...

i've been staring at this post trying to think of something but i can't so...i'll think of something

Bibi said...


wordsmith said...

i will have to think of one to add

Original Mgbeke said...

LOLLLLLLLL. Lgee baby, you too funny men. That one about flying cockroach cracked me up!
Nna ehn, flashing not get part 2 o. Me sef, I don dey use technique flash my sis for Jand. :D
Abeg wetin 4kasibe mean sef?

LG said...

VERA.......nne wat about 'jawonsi??? u neva hia dat one?? :-)
as per '4kasibe, im not too sure but i tink it means being able to reach the 4 cardinal point(north east, west n south) or sumn like dat but no worry i ll confirm 4rm the Nna bros dat sang it
*which levels?

BUMIGHT.....lollll yessso everything(s) na jazz :-)

AFRO......lolllll omoge no fear o, but i ll suggest u come bac wit lots of coke....OR make we do am like dis....u go dey supply me, i go dey supply 9gerians at erm...em...say 55naira?? deal or no deal???:-)

BIBI......... babes i m still waiting o'
btw: chelsea or ARSENAL????? :-)

WORDSMITH....... haba!!! how can words be too hard for a 'wordsmith'???? berra come back o :-)
*hope u r gud

LG said...

ORIGINAL.......lollll@flashing technique, but nne take am easy o, 'too much flashing kills the battery' :-)
@'4kasibe' where u dey wey i do bonanza with dat question???? :-)
according to 'zeez'(the originator) it means having an impact on the 4 cardinal point or sumn like dat for instance, if i say 'ori'e o 4kasibe' it means u head has an impact on the 4 cardinal point , lolllll but no quote me o' i nor sure sha, i just like d way 4'kasibe' sounds :-)
*how farz???

princekay123 said...

I can't stop laughing LG. U're funny...

This flashing thing dey pain me well well o. There was a day an ex-girlfriend (we've broken upfor over 3 years but still communicate to say hi once in a blue moon) was flashing persistently. I was in a very important meeting, so I quickly excused myself to call her. Can you imagine what she said?
"I just want to tell you that I saw your sister on my street yesterday," she announced as if that's a good news.
I was very mad at her and told her never to call me again in her life.
I later called to apologise, but I still ponder about it.

princekay123 said...


Arsenal 7 Vs Chelsea 0

It's possible jo!

LG said...

and so shall it be!!!!!! :-) :-) :-) :-)

lollll@...."I just want to tell you that I saw your sister on my street yesterday," Egbon dat babe nid serious koboko!!! HABA!!!! she no fit send sms????? :-)
*how ya side?

fluffycutething said...

Another Only in Naija thingi is that when you ask people for the time they tell you "after five" or "To four" i mean!!!!

Then hairdressers for some reason call hair attachments "ATTACH"

Absolutely ridiculous i tell you

tobenna said...

LG, you get issues!
It takes a proper Nigerian to understand your posts. Ah ah. And you just get worse everyday!
No be small thing oh.
Price of stocks crashed. Thats one.

LG said...

MUMMY AYOBAMI......'aunty fluffy u go buy 'attach????? 'LOL babes abeg no mind dem' even their madam(s) also call it 'attach' :-)
*as per.."after five" or "To four" 9ja teachers r to blame n u kno we have dis habit of abrreviating everything, so see after five as an abbreviation of 5mins after 5 :-)

TOBENNA.......nna ke'ifo???? why u dey 'tasi mi'??? ehn??
@Price of stocks crashed' Nna no be small thing o, imagine!!! dat my 30,000,000units wey i buy 4rm er...erm... :-)
*howz madame

Lindah said...

Flashing is an annoying and addictive habbit.

FineBoy Agbero said...

LG! No come beg me for my blog o! U don enter trouble with Orunmila! I tell u, u no hear. Now u don see say I get mouth pass u.
This is Naija, my dear, na rofo-rofo politics dey win!

StandTall-The Activist said...

Only in Naija hmmmm.

Care to check my blog for what Writefreak said about you?

Anonymous said...


What a laugh! Simply incredible. You ought to have your own radio slot, I tell you....

My recommendation is that I will point anyone in need of a good laugh to this site.

Well done and taKia

LG said...

LINDAH......rily???? i used to tink there was a 'spirit' behind it :-)
*welcome to my blog

FBA.....see as u dey show yasef :-) shebi i don beg u?? abi make i come garrage???? *winks*

MUMMY SCOFILED....swerri' Guess who was 1st :-)

i ve already been there, lov'ly interview as usual
*how r my meow??

BABAJIDESALU....iluv d way u say LGgggg :-) thank you n take kia too!

Mommy said...

LG...4kasibe..hahahahahahhahahah I thot I was the only one on board.

littleangel4christ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
littleangel4christ said...

LG u don make my day finish!
U no 4get say na onli 4 naija we dey gv car name other dan d brand and model name...
ex: Benz 190 take commot 4rm "V-Boot" go "V-yansh"
Volkswagen Beetle "Tortoise"...1 of d numerous Honda's "End of Discussion"...ati bebe'lo...lmao!

Anonymous said...

only you could have come up with this list.
I don't understand why many Nigerians feel the need to impress pple who really could care less abt them, case in point, the brother with the honda.

Kafo said...

lawmakers are lawbreakers
please that is worldwide

esp. in the usa

Omo calabar. said...

Hahaha. sincle mums bad market. Everything na jazz....loving it.

LG said...

MOMMY.....ah aahh mommy so u to kno 4kasibe??, i wanna bet Tbaby tot u dat one :-)
norrin do u!

LITTLEANGELFORCHRIST......lolllll@be'benlo! babes dat one na 9ice handwrk :-)
yessso who can 4get the v-yanshes and tortoise cars, funny thing ' almost all d driving schools in ma area use the tortoise car to teach their learners :-)
*its been a while, hope u r doing well

IWALEWA.....ah ahn babes' dats why we r 9gerians naa aka eko for show :-)
*njoy ur w'end

KAFO..... omoge, i dont live in the usa but u n i kno say 9ja own is on a kentro level eg gov.fashola say no more siren 4 lagos, yet sum commissioners,naval officers, army rating use it; anoda instance, Who do u tink are d main culprits of Money laundering?, Where is tafa,alamco,ibori,igbinedion the list goes on
*how u doing

OMO-CALABAR.....yesso every na jazz :-)
*hope u r doing well

jhazmyn said...

LMAO at Every flying cockroach /wall gecko is a monitoring spirit...nice one
Remember the story of a thirsty lizard drinking a lil kids wee at Redemption camp and the kids mom blasting out in tongues, binding and casting..LOL

Buttercup said...

hehehehehe! soo true! esp the jazz bit!

booooooooo arsenal! *thumbs down*

O'Dee said...

Yes o!
Its only in 9ja some1 will flash multiple times & then go on to say they just wanted to holla.

Flash sef is a=like a 9ja slang.

Parakeet said...

Dang! LG you crack me the hell up...what goes up never come down. Now that's scary.

LG said...

JHAZMYN.....lolllll@lizard drinking children's wee, but me too dey suspect dat kind lizard o' Haba!!! him no fit ask of ordinary water? :-)
*thanx 4 stopping by, i xpect more visits tho'

BUTTERCUP....sweeri' no try us o' Arsenal go beat chealsea, blue red n black; u wan bet??
But if chelsea mistakenly jazz :-):-)

O'DEE.....lolll at 'flashing being a 9ja slang
dearie' no bie lie!!:-)
*njoy ur w'end

PARAKEET....u can say dat again dear, now d prices are flunctuating due to dollar(not naira) rise/fall *sigh* na only God go save us
*happy anniversary

Vera Ezimora said...

Wow. Interesting. I would have never guessed that was the meaning sha.

I never hear jawonsi before ooo! Abeg wetin that one mean?

simplegal said...

LMBO...LG you no go kill me! lol @ "face me I slap you" No be by force oh!

You are so on point, only in 9ja. The one thing I must add: It's only in 9ja that you have to be athletic to get on a bus. When I think of all those days that my (then) kpengele self had to hustle to get into a bus ehn....

Enjoy your weekend jare.

LG said...

VERA...... nne abeg, des questions don dey resemble jamb question o' haba!!! JAWONSI means jawonsi' jare:-)
*njoy ur w'end

SIMPLE GAL.....lolll@kpengele self ' nne so u sef were once a 'I' :-)
no be small thing o' yet i wonder why we nor dey win gold for olympic or carry 1st for marathon with the way we run to enta molue sef :-)

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Haha you got everything down a T! It's so funny how everything is Jazz related and everyone needs deliverance!!lol
I missed you:-)

littleangel4christ said...

lol!...true word! @ "simple gal's" comment
am doing well oh my dear...
thanks 4 checkin in on moi!
am hvin problems tryin 2 change d background of my blog...any advice/suggestions/solutions???

ibiluv said...

lol at everything na jazz and every cockroach needs to be binded and cast into the sea............

Anonymous said...

this is very funny LG...weldone...

Tigeress said...

Hey LG- first time here i think. Scribbles directed. Nice. As for the flying roaches- thats one thing that terrifies me about Naija. Dem be winch?!! lol

Will check out some of ur prior blogs. Take care me dear!

princesa said...

Babes, am sure u are used to having me come late on thsi blog,lol!

Naija for life!

Enkay said...

hahahaha! the Mallam and recharge card seller thing is so true! hehehe! very funny!

If you're hungry and in traffic, no stress, you can eat all you want of snacks and even a nice cold drink, on the go! Only in Naija!


Now that you mentioned fokasibe, i can't get that song out of my head "ori e ma fokasibe"

Ol' girl, when are you going to teach me the Alanta dance, nah? lol!

Ms. SpicyTee said...

Wow....this is crazy crazy truth..
Lmao.. U no go kill me with laughters.
So wetin u dey go do for AJ..dat u know d bus price? LOl @ everything na jazz.
Gaskiya..I no dey follow u do this one..But answer my own sha... O ri e ti fokasibe my LG sis.

Sherri said...

you are too funny!
o jasi!
how u dey sweets?

Buttercup said...

baby yi, u no go update??

how u dey sha????

Lady A said...

OMG! Lol!!!!!! Goodness, that was FUNNY! I love it! What's good Lady...I know it's been a while, but I'm glad to see you doing well.

Lolia said...

lol ref. the flashing thing isn't it amazing how people can do that? I love Nigeria and her people jo...

Changed my blog url hun and I feel much better for it, thank you :)...It's now

Doja said...

* Every flying cockroach /wall gecko is a monitoring spirit*.....yep only in Nigeria, talk of mass paranoia.

Kabi-Osi Edumare said...

lmao @ baby boy n flying cockroach...Only in naija!!!!

How u dey?

~Sirius~ said...

I have found you worthy enough of a MeMe- you are hereby harassed into this by accepting the Scrap Honest Award, or is it Honest Scrap Award.

Jaycee said...

every flying coakroach is a MONITORING spirt.... Whattt? LOLLLLL...

If u are exceptionally beautiful, you are a MAMMYWATER or OGBANJE... Lol...I don't know where people got this from.

President Yardy's convoy was attacked in Jos? Wowwwwww...ONLY IN NIGERIA OOOO...

Lol @ everything is JAZZ...don't mind our people o, my sista! Lol.

That function started 6 HRS LATER???? Now, seriously....AHN AHN...that's too much naw!

LOLL @ "what goes up never comes down." LG, u're too much. This was so hilarious...

Afronuts said...


ELU G oh! You kill me abeg! This is just too funny...!!

Dee! said...

Yes O! It only happens in 9JA! LG you do have a talent for making me laugh!

I agree - what goes up, neva comes down. I even remember when coke was 20 kobo! This is 9ja!

Buttercup said...

update na!!!!!!!!!!!!!! abi ur keyboard don start again???

hope u r good sha?

Tairebabs said...

LG this was hilarious. humm..the car posing thingy used to annoy me eh and half the time the pple r broke as in really broke....ah that reminds me, only in 9jar do people before they eat food that is too hot, "blow it" to cool it down. Told an onyibo friend of mine that it is normal in 9jar and she said "why can't they just wait"...the thing made me laugh.

miz-cynic said...

lol at tairebabs:-wait ke?dnt they know in nnaija wait no dey for our dictionary...we no dey wait for traffic lite, we no dey wait for our time(get rich quick schemes)...generally we are too much in a hurry to wait!simple.
how una dey....mamae...thanks jare for the bday wishes.omo we suppose hook up one day o.....think we'll be good friends.

BlackVoltron said...

lolling @ 'Ta lo n soro'
Nigerians 'll call ur fone n be asking who is it........Only in Naija

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