Thursday, April 24, 2008

Sparing the rod....

Mama Bomboy inspired this post, see here
I ve always thought of how best to bring up my child cos i ve seen cases where a child is jst 2yrs n does watever he feels like doing while his parents look d oda way, and i imagine' how the child will eventually turn up if the parents fail to admonish him at dis stage, cos even the Bible tells us in proverb 29:15, 29:17 not to pamper our kids.

In homes where making money and not upbringing takes priority, kids are likely respond to their parents instructions with a nonchalant 'what?, No, yeah and whatever', instead of a venerating 'Yes ma or No sir, yes mommy or okay daddy'; Nowadays some of these kids now use the F and B word without their parents or teachers cautioning them, i know a 10 yrs old dat uses the"F" word in front of his parents and i 'm like , 'nawawa!! who dey teach dis children bad things' :)

But there also cases where the child or children obey every other person older than them (including the house help), I know a working mother with 3 kids here in Lagos (Alan; age 6 /Sonia; age 4 and Nelly; age 3), i ve stayed with them time and again, yet i ve never heard any of them use abusive language even when they are arguing and this is a family that stays in ikotun( a suburb in Lagos), the only thing i observed the last time i went to visit them was Sonia telling Allan to stop misbehaving, d funny thing was' she heard me saying it to alan d previous night when i caught him singing and dancing in the bathroom instead of taking his bath, and since then anything he does that sonia doesn't like 'Misbehaving' for instance if Alan doesn't finish his noodles he is misbehaving, if he doesn't shut the door properly, he is misbehaving, and when he doesn't want to share his lunch with her..........'he also misbehaving, even the mom has noticed n have been accusing me (LG you see wetin u cause) lol, Tho i ve always wondered if its because the parents are Jehovah's witnesses (my tots o) that the kids are well behaved cos i ve never seen the mom with koboko, anywayz i always tease her of using jazz on her kids :)

So my question this week is.....when do you start training your child?, is it from infancy or do you wait till the child is 6yrs before u start using koboko?, is it right to spank your child? also whose responsibility is it to make sure that the child is well behaved, though a school of thought claims there's no formula for bringing up a child since all children are unique in their own way, wats your take????



My answer is simple, discipline starts from the moment children are cognizant of right from wrong. That moment will differ in each child as children are unique.

I have 3 small children and with each child, I encourage them when they do the right thing. When they do the wrong thing, I explain to them that they made the wrong decision. This is actually started from the very beginning. So, for instance, with my son, Officer Bomboy, we would discourage him from biting and encourage him when he kissed instead. Once he got to a point where he knew he was being naughty (which was clear by the mischievous look on his face, lol!) , we would admonish him sternly whenever he did something naughty. With him, all you need to do is speak and he listens. Same thing with my daughter, The Enforcer. My other son, The King is going through the terrible twos and throwing tantrums faster than I can catch them. As such, he sometimes needs a little 'convincing', hence the use of the 'wife leader' to let him know I'm serious when necessary.

But at the end of the day, parents must find the right method that works for them and their children. Children must understand that there will be consequences for bad behavior and must learn to do the right thing whether their parent is there or not. failure to achieve that objective could be disastrous.

Nice post and thanks for linking to mine. Much appreciated! Make sure you swing by on Friday the 25th to participate in the 'Talk To The Easier Crew' segment and oh, yeah, feel free to visit my site


Anonymous said...

LOL@...alan is misbehaving. personally i believe dat as soon as children has adapted to his enviroment, the parents shld clarify the difference btw ADVISE and INSTRUCTION when dealing with them.

Olamild said...

Train them from birth o my sistah

Anonymous said...

My dear, once the child begins to discover himself and starts to develop an attitude, you should start disciplining them o. Im talking about that kain 3months old(im sure youll say this girl is wicked). From that age, they can tell the difference btw breast milk and formulars so... also, the can tell that they are lying down alone or mummy is carring them. I believe by then they start to discover themselves and should be disciplined o. My sisters kids could be reascals as in rough play and all but they know when to stop because them they fear face. My brothers son is soooooooooooo spoilt, i cant even begin to explain. They spare the rod, my sister doesnt even from infancy.
Nice post babe, il be back

Kemmie said...

I have a 2 1/2 yr old son and so far he is well behaved. Here, you make very good points about discipline. Living in the UK, changes things a bit. There's child abuse and what not. Kids are given phone numbers to call if you flog them so explaining why their actions are wrong is usually the first step. It is when you faced with a stubborn child that will not learn that one has introduce Nanny McCain. Keep it coming.

Standtall said...

Hi dear LG,
Thanks for visiting my blog.
My take on this is that you are right about no unique way of bringing up a child. Gentle spanking and talking out things with your child I will agree to but using koboko is a no-no. I remembered I disliked my mom for a long time (May her soul rest in peace) because she beat me on every slight mistake since I was about age 4. Waking me up in the middle of the night to iron out whatever I have done wrong from playing with my friends (my friends were the only siblings I had then anyway) to using my dash money to eat snacks without telling her with serious koboko or cable wire. My body was always covered with blood after such severe torture.

I attempted running away once and never come back. And I happened to be and second and last child. The only girl and she had me 18 yrs after my brother. And do we sit to dialogue on anything, any mistake, any error a child might make? No way!!! So, cos of this I didn’t find it right confiding in her. O, cos of this again, I studied hard to leave the house for University and promised never to bring up my child that way. Imagine when I saw my menses, I hid it from her…

Formative years of a child begin from age 1-5. And getting close to your child, informing them about how they should behave and what is expected and not expected of them is form 1-5. And from age 6, follow up is required.

Another thing is environment and parents mentality help destroy or shape up their child. I have seen how some touts bring up their children. Because the parents abuse themselves and fight all the time, the child just follow suit. See?

These things are essential in child/father/mother relationship. Be your child first love, first friend, be firm, be strong and be a role model.

OluwaDee said...

I'll say from day 1. Tho I dont av a kid so my answr might b wrong.

I feel it is essential 2 spank kids oh. 4rm the time I spent baby sitting my cousins, i'll tell u, a lot of times they need some spanking to do what is right.

lol @ misbehaving.

naijalines said...

I believe it is up to both parents to discipline a child. I would say one should discipline a child from when they can talk (usually btw 2 and 4 years). Cos that's when you can be sure that they do hear you and can communicate back.

Until then, simply talking to them in a 'no nonsense' tone should suffice. That along with putting them in their room or 'time out' in a corner' to show disapproval of bad behaviour.

ibiluv said...

Even 6month old babies can be corrected...from about 4-6months babies can decipher some right from some wrong....i dont agree with corporal punishment...but kids need to be corrected

anonymous gal said...

From birth o. coz they are neva to young to know that Mummy is upset

ejura said...

Super nanny would most definitely say "Go to the naughty carpet or naughty stool or naughty corner"! I personally think it's a truck load of bull.And it doesn't really work for me.
I ain't a mother yet but I aspire to be one soon [who doesn't?]and I think like many of our blog mummies have already said, it's good to discipline your kids the moment they are cognizant of right from wrong [solomonsydelle]. And if that can start even when they are in the womb, why not? lol!

There are many ways to discipline kids and it could be anything from taking them to the naughty carpet, making them do chores round the house, grounding them for a day, taking away certain privilegdes, enroling them in some sort of community's endless. But like Kemmie said, nanny mccain always has her place and should be used lovingly as occassion demands.

My bottom line [and this i intend to maintain with my kids God willing]is discipline doesn't always have to be extremely painful. It should be meaningful and hold a ton of lessons.

Does that make sense? It's not easy to sound philosophical sumtimes oh jo!
Takia gurl!

Jarrai said...

A child needs to be taught right and wrong from when they know what "naughty" and whats not. Like Naijalines said...the tone of your voice and the way you react to them is the only way they can differntiate what is wrong. If you let a child for e.g hit their siblings and you do nothing...the message you are sending is that hitting people is ok. If you let a child swear ( this one deserves a hot smack), and you do not intervene, you the parent is saying loud and clear that swearing is acceptable

My mum hardly used the cane, just her looks were enuf!!!! she still uses that on me, can you imagine that woman!! lol

Doja said...

I dont think it is necessary to use 'koboko', When I tell people my parents never hit me they do not believe me and some say I must have been a good child, but I had 6 other siblings and the worse my parents ever said was face the wall and it was always never more than 5 minutes.
we had a dialogue policy at home and it worked because it started from very young.

Lady A said...

I was going to type you this long passage and answer each question throurgly (msp), but Solomonsydelle answered it very in in her first paragraph. You don't have to use the koboko over something small, just smack their little hand....and as they get older, WHIP DAT BUTT, lol, lol.

Anonymous said...

LG i'm loving your new template

La Reine said...

I think my Dad would say from the moment a child can understand what's right and what's wrong, like Solomonsydelle said. No kids, but that's what I feel.- and it may not be a hide tanning, at first anyway.

Standtall said...

Am back o LG to tell you you ave being tagged on me-blog. Cjeck out my new post. Thank you thank you

Honeywell said...

1. start as soon as they are born (if possible).
2. yes, it is right to spank a child. If you think its wrong, just take a look at american kids. That should change your min. :)
nice blog!

LG said...

@ solomonsydelle- yes, i agree with ur points, i strongly believe in teaching by example

*really appreciate ur stopping by

@Olamild- from birth? u sure?
@Supergirl- from 3months ke?aint that too early
@Kemmie- my sistah no mind those oyinbo pple jare, dem no sabi train pikin,
*how body?*
@Standtall- Dearie, u ve said so much, and i agree with u gentle spanking and communication does help,
@Oluwadee- u too 4rm day 1?how u wan discipline the baby?lol!! but i know there are so very STUBBORN children that are difficult to tame
@Naijalines- i agree wit u, cos btw 2-4 they can communicate easily
@Ibiluv- no corporal punishment? so how do u correct those very Stubborn ones?
*tanx for stopping by, come back o,lol!!*
@Anonymous gal- you too 4rm birth?
*tanx for stopping by*
@Ejura- this chick i dey fear u o, u wan kill person pikin,lol!!
*how body*
@Jarrai- yeah , u have a point too, just a LOOK can do wonders
@Doja- lol!!@ face the wall,but u have a point there(dialogue policy)
@La rein- tanx and let me officially welcome u to my blog,lol
@Honeywell- my sistah (how possible is it 4rm birth?) but i support spanking only for bum-bum, lol!!!
*tanx for stopping by *

ablackjamesbond said...

I think SSD spoke my mind. My son is nearing that 'terrible 2' phase[whoever came up with that must have had a hard time with some naughty kids] and sometimes i wish i could really spank him especially when he is doing something he knows he shouldnt be doing. How do i know he is being naughty...he has a look which i really cant describe but which screams 'i am being very naughty and i am lovin' it'.

I do spank him when i feel he's overdone it though...but just enuff to let him know i mean business.

WeirdGurl said...

Onome said...

hmmmmmmm isch denge solomonsydelle has said it all

Fausset said...

one thing that i never had was gorimapa...NEVER!!I Was too cute for of course i played soda covers to play il love football when i was younger.

fluffycutething said...

For me the earlier the better....

I've seen kids even at age 1 and a few months act totally indulgent because their parents or rather mums feel they're too young to know what's going on. Truth is they actually know and will run amock if you allow them.

I'm with Solomonsydelle on this!!!