Wednesday, April 16, 2008

'DEM MAMA'

Hello people, Hope y'all Good?
I 'm not trying to do a Merix of timaya's song o :) it's about an funny drama i witnessed 2 days ago, it started like this.........

The time was 6pm and I boarded a bus at CMS , mentally praying that the road will be free of traffic, but as we were about leaving the garage, a man entered the bus and immediately started greeting people in the bus, some of the passengers replied saying, "bomboy how na? how market?" to which he replied, "na una i dey wait for o," what first strucked me odd was his name (dats if it's his real name, how can a man be called bomboy, him papa no c oda fine names give am, names like obama, dangote, fashola, yar'adua or even obasanjo, why bomboy? or how the name sound for una ear sef? lol) before i digress it was as if they knew him, i took a second look at him n saw he was carrying a small travellers bag, and thought maybe he was travelling or coming back from work like the rest of us, (wetin be my own sef?) anyway, the next thing i heard from bomboy was, "who fit tell me him worst enemy for dis bus?", the whole bus became quiet, but bomboy asked again,"i say who fit tell me him worst enemy 4 here?", ..... again no one answered him (who get liver?), he then challenged the men, still none of dem could answer him , after like 3mins of cajoling and no one could tell him his/her worst enemy (me nko?, remember, i'm the one watching the drama,lol!), Bomboy, then went on to tell us who our worst enemy is; He started with the men, he said their worst enemy is their BOSS (still asking why?) and we the women , our's is .......... our MOTHER IN-LAW (u can breathe out now), as soon as he said that, some of the men started insulting him , while some of the women defended him saying he was saying the truth, (as if they just found their tongue), anywayz at the end, Bomboy ended up selling the product he brought with him( yes, he's a sales man) and left everyone of us with our different thoughts.

Since then, i ve been asking myself, if the salesman is right???" but i haven't been able to come up with an answer,which gives me no other choice but to turn to you bloggers, so now i'm asking you ladies and (few gentlemen), Are our mother in-laws our worst enemies?, If they are, how can we handle them for the sake of peace? Also what part do our husband, brother/sister in-laws play in situations like the mother in-law makes life difficult for the wife? pls share your experience and opinions

26 comments:

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Well, I thank God that I get along very well with my MOL. From the first day we spoke to now, she treats me as if I am one of her own kids. In fact, if I sound down she immediately goes after her son and blames him for it. lol!

But, that being said, it is well known that many Nigerian MOLs make it their duty to give their daughter in laws as much grief as possible. When you look at it that way, a MIL can definitely be a woman's worst enemy. And, it is quite a shame really. Because a mother knows her son and should counsel her son on how to treat his wife well. After all as a woman, she should understand things and be her DIL's biggest supporter.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

BTW, thanks for stopping by my ...Easier... blog.

Don't be a stranger!

darkelcee said...

ok

MILs , i dont have one and when i do i think i will try and treat her the smae way i would treat my mum.

If her kids can cope with her then i should.

all with GOD's help cos without him we are helpless

howdy?

Anonymous said...

i'm single 4 now ,but the issue of (monster) in-laws depends on how the husband presents his wife to his family, simple.

naijalines said...

I agree with anon. It's really the man that has to take control. If he can't speak to his own mother when she's being cruel to the wife, what can the wife do? The man has to spell out respect and boundaries in capital letters from day one.

I speak from bitter experience of dealing with a potential MIL (now dead - I did not kill her o, God ended her life because she was a very wicked person). After that experience with a spinless man who abandoned me and our new born baby, I prayed that if I ever got married, it will be to a man whose mother is already dead. I got my wish and I'm very happy. I thank God.

My advice to women is to look very well b4 you leap. Make sure you've met your in-laws and that you get on well b4 committing yourself to the man. Even if you meet the man abroad, make sure you go back home and meet his family before you make any major decisions.

Anonymous said...

naijalines has said it all,GBAM

Jarrai said...

When i have a MIL, hopefully soon, i will treat her as i do my own mum....but that doesn't mean i will be disrespected too. No way!

I was with a guy and for a few years and when he introduced me to his family, the mother and the sister decided they did not like me...on no basis at all. That was the first time they had ever saw me. I was hurt but i thought ha!! this is serious ooo, me too i have a mumsy somewhere. But i digress..this put a strain on the relationship and it eventually ended becauses dude was too scared to stand up to his mother and i didn't want to be with some guy with no liver who did not have my back.

I left them both to it.

I concur with naija line, look before you leap...

Elle Woods said...

LOL..DONT HAVE ONE....DUNNO HOW I WILL ACT WHEN I HAVE ONE..THEY TEND OT BE NOSY DONT THEY? I CANT DEAL WITH NOSY FOLKS.

Free-flowing Florida said...

hmm, am still single but my future MIL seems like a pretty nice lady. she's kinda ill sha, which is quite sad cos she'd been ill 4 so long i feel my man missed out of d full dose of motherly affection

but dat said, my sister's MIL was almost a BITCH. i say almost cos it wasn;t d classical wicked mother in love scene they show all d time in nigerian movies, but can u imagine living in d same house with a woman who sighs/hisses all d time???? u'd perpertually feel as though u r not doing anything right

Smaragd said...

i remember i used to pray that my husband's mother would've been dead b4 i even meet him, then it came to mind that my mother has three sons, imagine if all their potential wives had thesame prayer?
so, i've changed my prayer to: "God pls gimme a mother-in-law who will love me as she does her own children, amen"

I also tell my mum that she shld sow good seeds wiv her son's gfrnds or wives. She has to bear in mind that she has a daughter too. Her own mother-in-law, my Oma, wasn't kind to her at all!

btw, those salesmen are sth else!lol, life in Lag would be incomplete wivout them i guess.

ladyguide said...

@solomonsydelle- u are one lucky woman, n tanx for dropping by again
BTW...me being a stranger? hmmm
@Darkelcee- wish u luck,tho it will be easier if ur MIL sees u as one of her kids, but like u' ve said, na God hand e dey ***I dey Kampe like Nas talk, lol
@Anonymous- well-spoken.
Naijalines- ladies, una don hear am , SHINE YA EYE
@Anonymous- yeah,GBAM,lol!!!
@Jarrai- wish u luck, n tanx for dropping by
@Elle wood- goodluck but u neva tell us ur strategy o
@Free-flowing florida- poor him n lucky U shei?
@Smaragd- my sista, i was once like u o, bcos of the terrible stories wey i don hear but as soon as i remember say i get MAMA, and me too one day go be MAMA, i started praying to God to make my future MIL love me pass her pickin sef,Amen lol!!!!!. How body?

AJIKE said...

hmm...lol...Cms got me cracking up, i miss naija a lot...what an interesting bus ride u got ureself into....

somethings in life are inevitable, i guess same goes to mother inlaws!...thay are either nice or just too mean, that;s what we have to deal with, Bomboy was right though, but this doesn't mean every lady should go into marriage expecting to deal with THE ENEMY, mother inlaw i mean...

lol...anyhoo, nice, thanx for stoping by love..hope to read more from you!

xxx

ejura said...

I'm not an authority on this but nollywood has shown us how wicked some Mothers in law can be. Check out Monster in law with JLO.

I wonder any MIL can forget that she was once a DIL. But it seems some of them develop amnesia once their sons get married.

How to stop the problem? I'm thinking the hubby has an important role to play here. Some of them just keep quiet when they should speak. He should let his mother understand that it's his wife's home now and that she should respect boundries.

Like don't fuss about DIL's cooking. If your son loved your cooking that much, he'd have married you instead!

Don't make fun of her looks. It is said that men marry women who remind them of their mothers so he married her bcos she reminds him of you!

Don't tell her she ain't taking care of your son. Go back home and eavesdrop on your husband. You'd be shocked what he thinks about your caring skills. He has lived with it all diz years bcos hiz afraid u could kill him if you finds out otherwise.

Get a life; if you were busy using your time doing something else u won't be found walking around your son's home pestering his wife. You'd instead be on yr way to Kenya to seal a business deal.

Don't call her a witch cos it means you are one yrself. You met at a meeting under the bridge last nite...

doll said...

I don’t think mother in laws are our enemies and having that perspective makes things just worse. It puts a girl on the defensive and she begins to read meaning into what is not. Not. I am prepared to love my mother in law like my mum..

olamild said...

I love that timaya song. I'll be back 2 read

Anonymous said...

qpHi All, U have ur points. tho, "WE ALL" I mean "ALL WOMEN" are guilty of this crime.As soon as our sons are man enuf to get married we divorce our husbands and begin to marry or flirt with ours sons, like a woman leaving a man to remarry a richer one. we forget that when we were young we wished our in-laws could allow us have our privacy too. tho i once dated a guy who if i will ever go back to marry, if i will, it will be bcos of his mum, she's the most wonderful MIL i have ever seen, she is a guardian angel to ALL her DsIL
But sha o,i believe prayer and trust in God is the ultimate weapon.

Mojisola said...

My MIL's an okay lady. Probably because she's so timid and I do not spend a lot of time around her anyways.

She's not overly friendly and am not interested in what she and her son discuss (hey, I got my life to live too).

Of all my hubbys' family members she's probably the one I like best.

Uzezi said...

not all mother in-laws. but then, learning how to deal with people will be a big help, even if there r some moster in-laws who just cant let go of their sons to other women.

OluwaDee said...

lol!
Lagos buses sha. That ride must have been interesting.

My M-in-Law is actually sweet n gives me no wahala, bless her.

I feel the men have a strong role to play in supporting their wives, getting things straigh n tukn with their mothers.
We ladies should also make it a point of duty 2 develop a r'ship with d M-in-Law b4 getting married to the man. A lot of times we r so excited and in a hurry we 4get that the mans family is impt.

10ks 4 stopping by my blog.

Honeywell said...

i believe its true... after all, mother in laws have been known t o destroy marriages.... but i think all the wife can do is not to repay wickedness with wickedness, but to respect the mother in law as much as possible. the brother and sister in law should also talk some sense into the mother in law.

ladyguide said...

@Ajike-i agree with u,every lady shouldnt go into marriage expecting to deal with their MIL, just be urself and
@Ejura- babe dat was so Intense haba!,(but is dat really ur opinion abt dem)
@Doll- u have a piont there, having a wrong perspective abt MILs can makes things go 4rm bad to worse.
@Anonymous-anoda point noted , but i dont agree all women r guilty of being monster in-laws,
@Mojisola- u are anoda lucky lady, tanx for stopping by
@Uzezi-yeah, Learning is anoda key word,wifey must have studied the hubby's family member, then strategies way to cope with them,but this can work better if hubby is supportive
@Oluwadee- anoda lucky lady, wish all d best, muaah.
@Honeywell- yeah,the wifey should respect her MIL at all time.
tanx for stopping by,.

ladyguide said...

tanx ladies for your opinions, but i'm still waiting for the guys , where dem dey.....?(lol)

Onome said...

OMOOOOO!!!!MILs are tough work ooo but well, we no get choice but to cope..d sons(husbands)and odas should try emphasising and reemphasising dat d chic is his choice and he's very happy with her and she should LUMP IT!!! apart from dat wat else can u do but cope????

Standtall said...

Good topic. A boss can make life terrible for a woman too. In most cases, where mother-in-law is the worst fear, she is probably fronting for the family including her own husband. You know some families want to rule the affairs on the newly wed. Will you blame that on their cultural belief and background?

I can’t say I have any worst fear at this moment. My home is my territory and in-laws need to respect that.

Bombay has generalised too much in my opinion but wait till you hear other sales men and women in commercial vehicles

naijalines said...

I don't think loving an MIL would be enough if she is determined to be obstructive to your union with her son. It made no difference in my case. My advice is if MIL is nasty and son ain't putting her in her place or issues remain unresolved, move on b4 you make the greatest mistake of your life.

In My Own Words said...

Can't agree more with naijalines' last comment. Got thru a bitter experience with MIL and a hubby who just could not put his foot down on certain issues. The marriage ended oh.

But can u really 'know' the in-laws b4 u get married? I doubt it. Mine did not show true colours until we were married.